An Open Letter To The Single Girl Who’s Focused On Her Career

work

Stay the course.

It’s sexy to see a girl chase her dreams.

I get it – I know you’re approaching thirty (or forty) and worried about getting married, having a family and the whole shebang. And if I’m being totally honest, you have a legitimate reason to be concerned. After all, from a medical standpoint, it’s in your best interest to have a child by thirty-five and yada yada yada.

And to make matters worse, Kim just got engaged, Michelle is having her first child and Toni is posting all kinds of pics on Instagram with her new Bae. Toni of all people, found someone, can you believe that?

It’s not that you’re not happy for your friends, but it’s natural to feel a little down about the whole thing. Where did it all go wrong? ARE YOU WORKING TOO HARD?  Do you come across as intimidating?

Well let’s be absolutely clear about one thing: focusing on your career is not going to negatively affect your chances of finding a suitable companion. If anything, it will boost your chances of meeting someone. Contrary to popular belief, your professional success is a huge turn on. Men are drawn to girls who are making moves in their career. Boys may feel threatened, but look at it this way, you can’t please everyone.

I’ve been in many conversations where men talk about professional women with the utmost respect. They admire your drive, your dedication and your ambition. You’re the type of person they want to settle down with, that’s for sure. Not some chick gallivanting at every party.

When they introduce you to their parents or friends – they want to proudly say that you’ve just completed your CFA, or that you’re an associate at a law firm or that you just opened up a new hair salon or whatever. Remember, men have big egos, and your success complements their self-esteem very well.

BTW … Do you have any idea how a man feels when he sees a pretty girl, dressed in a suit and looking confident? Even if she’s laden with four bags (a laptop bag, a handbag, a random bag and a lunch bag) … he’ll think she is the hottest thing in the solar system. Which begs the question, why do women need to have so many bags?

Anyway, the point is, focusing on your career is a good thing. The problem is when you’re obsessed with your career at the expense of your social life. When you’re all work and no play, that’s the problem right there.

Although having a successful career is a plus, you need a balanced life.  When you’re solely focused on your job, and you give the impression that you don’t have time for anything else, or that you’re not interested in anything else – that’s a turn off.

Men can tell when your life revolves entirely around work; it’s like a sixth sense. And they are not going to readily commit to someone who is only invested in their career.

If you’re serious about meeting someone special, you need to have a balanced life. For starters, it will give you an opportunity to meet new people. But more importantly, your whole demeanour will change. Living a balanced life usually translates into a more relaxed, engaging and fun personality. Whereas serial workaholics tend to be a little more uptight, if you know what I mean.

Ultimately, there’s a big difference between: (1) focusing on your career… and (2) your career being your ONLY focus.  Men are attracted to the former; intimidated by the latter.

So, to the girl who is focused on her career… keep working hard on achieving your goals, you will attract the right guys. But remember to also go out with your girls, get involved with charity work, join a running club. You know – get involved with stuff that you like. Try new things. Live a little.

To the girl who is focused on her career… I know you wanted to settle down by a certain age but don’t stress about it. You’ll meet your guy.

Stay the course.

It’s sexy to see a girl chase her dreams.

This article also appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

When We Get Married, Divorce Is Not An Option

Happy African American Man & Woman Couple

Hell No.

You must be joking.

I gave you my word. I stood nervously in front of our families and our friends and promised to love you “till death do us part”. I meant every word in my vow and intend to honour my commitment.

Marriage is an unpredictable journey. Together, we’re going to experience the best moments in our lives but, sure enough, we’re also going to hit rock bottom. But no matter what comes our way, we’re not going to give up on us.

We’re not even going to entertain the thought of a break-up; we’re not even going to joke like that.

So, if I did something wrong, feel free to give me the silent treatment for like an hour – two hours the most. But just know that by the end of the day, we’re going to sit down like adults and you’re going to tell me what I did wrong. And I’m going to make an effort to improve.

If we have a big argument, I know you’re going to meet up with your girls and give them your side of the story. And that’s fine. You can go right ahead and solicit all the biased advice you need. You can also eat ice cream, stuff your face with chocolate, reach for Nutella … do whatever your heart desires, but when you’re done, we’re going to discuss the issue and come to some kind of compromise.

Look – I don’t care how upset we are with each other, I’m not going to bed upset with you. That’s going to be our rule. Even after the most heated argument, I’m going to kiss you goodnight. That’s how we will fall asleep every night, no exceptions.

If I’ve been neglecting you, I need to know. If we don’t go out enough, I need to know. If I’ve become complacent, I need to know. Babes – please remember that I don’t read minds.

We’re in this thing for the long haul and we’re going to fight through all our problems – giving up is not an option. I promised to stay with you “till death do us part” and meant it.

You’re the girl I want to grow old with. I want you to be right by my side when I choose my first walking stick.  I want to sip coffee with you on a garden porch or whatever it is that old people do. I want to go with you to our granddaughter’s boring concert.

You’re the girl I want spend the rest of my life with and that’s why I went down on one knee, took out the ring, looked into your eyes anxiously, and asked “Will you marry me?” I’m 100% committed to you.

I’ll be there to change your diapers when you’re not able to do so. I’ll be there to do all the little things for you when you probably don’t remember who I am. I’ll be there to hold your hand when you’re lying on the hospital bed, gasping for breath, hanging on for dear life.

That’s the way we are going to end – not through a divorce.

“Till death do us part”

 

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Why The ‘Bad Boy’ Is Now The New ‘Prince Charming’

romantic couple in front of santa monica amusement park at sunse

Have you ever noticed that women are always complaining that “they can’t find a nice guy” and when they FINALLY meet one they lose interest in him because “he’s too nice”? LOL.

There’s no easy way to say this– but women don’t want a nice guy. They finish last. Every. Single. Time. Now, don’t get me wrong, women like to be treated well, they enjoy being pampered, they long to be romanced. But they really want this experience from a “bad boy”, not necessarily from some nice guy. And it’s very important to understand this.

If you’re a nice guy who is always willing to do favors (without her reciprocating), always at her beck and call, always willing to go the extra mile, she’ll begin to take you for granted.

And when someone takes you for granted, your value depreciates.

As of June 30, 2016 – no girl wants a guy who’s too nice. Maybe they did in the 1950s, but the whole social dimensions have changed. Nowadays, IF YOU BROUGHT A ROSE FOR A GIRL ON YOUR FIRST DATE, SHE WOULD THINK YOU’RE SOFT (and, funny enough, you may even ruin your chances).

Women are drawn to bad boys – it’s natural for them. They like the idea of thinking they can change a guy. LOL. Yeah, I’m serious, women think they can change a man. They like the challenge – the thrill of knowing that Joe changed his bad ways for her. And, of course, this never really happens, but it keeps them engaged – in fact, it keeps them interested indefinitely.

In the same breath, women like men who are confident.

Not an insecure man, who’s trying to find his way. They like men who are rough around the edges – a man who doesn’t take crap from her or anyone else for that matter.  They respect a man who knows how to calm them down when they’re acting up. Not some guy who will say “sorry dear” even when she’s clearly in the wrong.

Now, it doesn’t matter what women say, that’s the type of guy they really want.  A strong man who can also be understanding, compassionate and romantic. Simply put, you have to be bad and good. So, once it’s clear that you’re a bad boy (so to speak), then you’ve earned the right to be “too nice”. And that’s when your gestures will become even more meaningful to her.

Remember, women love the idea of trying to change a guy – it’s exhilarating for them. When a “bad boy” begins to open up his sensitive side to her, she’ll embrace every moment of it. She’s worked hard to “change” him and he likes her enough to compromise. When the bad boy goes out of his way to make her happy… she’s not going to think “he’s too nice”… she’s going to think it’s the sweetest thing ever.

When the bad boy looks into her eyes, pulls her closer, pauses and kisses her passionately, she’ll melt in his arms. And when he decides to give her a rose, she’ll cherish every single petal on the flower.

In fact, she’ll put it in some water, and try to keep it alive for as long as possible.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I Promise You Are Most Beautiful Without Any Makeup

Couple

Our first few dates will appear a bit staged. You’ll choose a nice outfit, take time to apply your make-up and get your hair done. You’ll look stunning and I’ll be impressed.

I’ll pick you up at eight and we’ll go somewhere nice and talk about important stuff. I’ll ask all kinds of pertinent questions because I want to make a good impression and you’ll kindly reciprocate. Honestly, I’m going to make an effort to prove that I can have an intelligent conversation.

That’s the way dating works in the initial stages. But, the truth is, I can’t wait to get past it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I care about all the important stuff – your job, your ambitions and your future plans. But in the courting stages, it seems forced. It feels like it’s a big show. In fact, it feels fake.

I’ll patiently look forward to the day when you can truly be yourself around me. When it doesn’t matter if your hair’s messy, if you’re not wearing a bra, or make-up. When you feel comfortable enough to wear my well-worn white t-shirt.

When we get to this level, that’s when the meaningful conversations will happen. I want to start with the little things like, “What’s your favorite song?” and before you respond “I can’t pick one… I have so many favorites”, I want you to tell me the first song that comes to your mind because I have plans for this song. I want to ask you irrelevant questions like, “Did you prefer NSYNC or The Backstreet Boys?”, which has absolutely no bearing on life, but I still want to know.

I want to know you better than anyone has ever known you. I want you to be comfortable enough to share every inconsequential bit of information with me. If you think something is insignificant – it’s important to me. That’s how I want to feel about you.

I can’t wait to get to know you without your make-up on – when you don’t feel the need to impress me with looks. And I’m going to ask you all those important questions that I did in the beginning. Because this time I want genuine, untainted answers.

I can’t wait to get to know you without your make-up on – the real you – no façade. I can’t wait to get to know you without your make-up on – because that’s when you’re most beautiful to me.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Why Women Shouldn’t Be Afraid To Tell The Truth About Their Age

workingwoman

I was recently flirting with someone in their 30s. It was her birthday and, somewhere in the mix, I asked if she was“24 or 25” today… she blushed, laughed and said “23”.

Clearly, women find it complimentary when people assume they are younger than they really are. They’ve been made to believe beauty is associated with youth. And, you can’t really blame them because more often than not, older men tend to go for younger women. Plus, men, typically have a preference for a flat stomach, smooth skin and a certain weight profile.

So, as a defence mechanism, women come up with nonsensical rules like “you should never ask a woman her age”. Anyway, the whole age thing confuses me. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Hear me out for a second: When a girl reaches her 30s, she has to work harder to keep her body in shape because her metabolism slows down. Right? So, she’ll get a personal trainer, she will cut back on carbs, she won’t eat after 8:00pm, and she has to do cardio (and she hates cardio). And would you believe she actually feels guilty when she eats a slice of cheesecake. Yeah, for real.

Now, call me stupid, but after all that sacrifice, it would seem logical that you would want to boast that you’re 35 and still got it! You should want people to know that you’re in your 30s.  You’ve worked your ass off and you deserve the admiration.

Furthermore, this is the way the world works now. When a young man in his 20s meets a hot 30-year old, he’ll crave her attention and fantasize about her. When a man in his 30s meets a hot girl, I can guarantee you, that in 2016, he would be more attracted to this girl if he knew she was in her 30s as opposed to thinking she was in her 20s. It boils down to this… when a woman takes care of her body, it’s the biggest turn on in life. Ever.

So, the next time you’re in a position to reveal your age to a guy… you should do it without hesitation. In fact, if he avoids the topic, you should even take the initiative and find a way to broach the subject. Trust me, it’s in your best interest.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Couples Are Too Quick To Say “I Love You” And It’s Causing All Kinds of Problems

happy

Nowadays… a guy will meet a girl, exchange numbers, send flirtatious messages, go on several dates, ask her to be his girlfriend… and in a few months, they’ll say they’re in love. Like, they’ll literally spend all night talking on the phone and at the end of the conversation, he’ll say “I love you” and she’ll say “I love you too”.

Awwwwwwwwww

Or better yet, she’ll call him when he’s with his friends, and at the end of the convo, she’ll deliberately say “I love you babe” … just to see if he’ll respond… and he’ll whisper surreptitiously “I love you too.” And his friends will laugh and carry on.

In all seriousness though, love isn’t a trivial thing. You can’t fall in love with someone after a kiss or a romantic getaway. Love is a process that requires patience, consistency and proactivity. It takes time to fall in love with someone and your partner has to earn the right to hear those three words “I love you”.

Here’s the thing, when you prematurely tell your partner ‘I love you’, they’ll inherently begin to wonder if you’re clingy. Listen, trust me, you don’t want to come off as being clingy. That’s the quickest way to turn off someone.

Now, apart from the whole clingy issue, when you hastily tell someone you love them, they’ll subliminally begin to take you for granted. In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

After a while, the guy doesn’t make the effort to go out for dinner anymore, because he’s busy with work… All of a sudden he’s busy with work. And the girl, well, she used to spend hours thinking about her outfit. She wanted to make a good impression, and so she put effort into date night. Now, if she’s had a stressful week she can’t be bothered to because she’s too tired to go out.

And the list goes on and on.

There’s a time and place for everything. You can’t afford to make the mistake of expressing certain feelings ahead of time. The “I love you” blunder is the biggest error you can make, but other phrases are detrimental.

Imagine, you met someone and things are going great. You’ve know them for about 2 weeks or so. But for some reason, you never got the chance to speak to them on Friday. Let’s say the next day, they send you a text “Hey, how are you?” You’re really into them, so you’re excited for the message and you respond “I’m good… how are you? ” and they say “I’m good… I miss you.”

If you’re the type who’s quick to tell your partner “I miss you”, “I love you” etc. You need to understand that an overdose of these phrases can have a deleterious effect on your relationship.

At some point in your life, you’re going to fall hard for someone. It’s inevitable. But no matter what, you shouldn’t prematurely tell your partner how you feel about them because more often than not, it’s going to ruin things. And more importantly, your partner needs to prove that they’re worthy of hearing how you really feel about them.

When you’re absolutely sure that your partner is the one – not because you have a good feeling – but because they’ve shown over time to have the qualities you admire and respect in a significant other. Then at that point, it’s appropriate to truly express how you feel. And after a romantic night, when you finally say “I love you” for the very first time, it will really mean something to your partner, and their natural response will be “I love you too”.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

An Open Letter To My Homie, Santa Claus: Can You Introduce Me To A Good Girl?

santa

Santa, my homie … what’s up bro?

It’s been a while since I wrote you… 22 years to be exact.

Not that I was upset about the remote control car you gave me back in 95, but all my friends got a super Nintendo. And yes, I did call you fat, but can we let bygones be bygones.

So, for this Christmas, I was hoping you could help me to find a girl… you know, a girl with certain qualities.  Look, Santa – I know a good girl is hard to find. I get that. And, sure, I know that I’m far from perfect. But help out a brother, and I promise not to mess things up.

Back in the day, I only liked pretty girls.  As I’ve matured, I’m still attracted to pretty girls, but it’s becoming less of a priority for me. At my age, I’m more interested in substance. When I nervously look into her eyes, gently rest my hand on her cheek and kiss her for the first time… I want to feel a connection.

Santa, if it’s not too much to ask, I want a girl who is kind-of-funny. I want to laugh when she says something funny. And when her jokes are not so funny, I want to laugh at her corniness. Yeah, and when I give my silly jokes, I hope she embraces them. If she likes my sense of humor, I can always find a way to cheer her up. Maybe if she’s having an awful day at work because her boss is being an asshole… I could take a picture of a box of eggs and send it to her saying “Let’s egg his house later”… And, Santa, if she’s down for that … I’m down for that sh*t. You feel me bro? (JUST KIDDING)

But more importantly, I want to be able to talk to her about everything: current affairs, economics, politics … and this may be asking too much … but can she be knowledgeable on sports? It would be great if we could agree on some topics, argue ferociously on other points and engage our minds intellectually. That’s just a big turn-on for me.

Santa, honestly, I don’t like talking about sensitive things. But even though I think I’m a tuff guy, if she’s the one, I should feel comfortable enough to let down my guard and speak about the most sensitive issues. Santa, I want to be become vulnerable with her. And I want her to reciprocate.

Mr. Claus, I want her to be ambitious – career driven. I’m just attracted to that type of personality. And if she earns more than me, I’m not going to feel slighted by that. In fact, I would use her success to motivate me to achieve my goals. Together, we should help each other to fulfil our potential.

I could go and on, but you get the point.

So, Santa, it would be nice if you could arrange for us to cross paths sometime soon. Maybe I’ll see her at the supermarket, maybe I’ll see her at a party, maybe I’ll see her at church. Who knows?

You don’t need to give me any details bro, just let me run into her, and I’ll know what to do.

Thanks!

———————————————————————————————————-

Did you enjoy this article? Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates

Follow me on Instagram: @the_lai_detector

Click here to preview my eBook, THE LAI DETECTOR

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments