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You have a choice. You always have choice.

You don’t have to stay.

You can’t be making a concerted effort in your relationship, while your partner goes through the motions. It’s crazy to give someone your heart, and in return get treated like crap.

Think about it: You’re always going out of your way to run errands for them, you’re always getting things done for the house, you’re always present (and involved) at their events. But whenever you ask them to do something … something very simple… they’re usually reluctant…. Or worse – BUSY.

On  those rare occasions when they decide to do you a favour, they inevitably find something to whine about and then sulk while doing it – which makes you regret asking them in the first place. When you invite them somewhere, they show up and stay on their phone the entire time. Their demeanour makes it very clear that they’d rather be somewhere else.

The truth is: you’ve been dating them for a while, and they love that you’re dependable, considerate and understanding. Heck, you’re probably good for their image. They like all these things about you, so they’ll do the bare minimum to keep you around.

So, when you get frustrated to the point where you complain about something… they’ll initially get defensive and things will escalate into an argument. But they understand how important it is to keep you around, so they’ll retreat and make a small compromise. If you complained about ‘Not going on a date in months’ … they’ll go on a date to keep you quiet. Then – watch and see – you won’t go on another date until you have another argument about it.

To them, you’re an asset; for you, they’re a liability.

For some inexplicable reason, you don’t want to let them go. So, in response, you just ignore their behavior and do things yourself. Some of you will even brainwash yourself into thinking you’re independent – but if you really think about it – that’s not how independent people operate. They don’t hang on to people who don’t feel the same way about them.

Relationships are never perfect but at the very least, you should demand (and expect) certain things. Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial, that’s the point. So, if your partner constantly falls short in certain departments, if they are nonchalant about important things, if they fail to make you a priority…then it’s simple – you’re not worth it to them. And you should take the hint before it’s too late. Because before you know it, you’ll be hitched and committed to a lifetime of frustration.

Yeah, yeah – I get it. I know you have a lot invested in the relationship. And I know it’s difficult to move on, but if someone is taking you for granted, you’re better off being single. They’re not going to change their ways.

So, don’t let anyone take advantage of you – you’re bigger than that. Respect yourself.

And remember: You have a choice. You always have a choice.

You don’t have to stay.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

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Why Every Man Secretly Wants A ‘Cool’ Girlfriend

cou2

We love pretty girls – with a nice body. We also love intelligent women – humble, classy, witty, and driven. And all that stuff is great, but when we want to take it to the next level, we want a girl who is a cool chick.

It’s as simple as that.

We spend most of our days talking about important things – important things relating to work, important things relating to investments, important things relating to car payments etc. And on top of all of that, we have to spend time, keeping up with current affairs (not to be mistaken with the Kardashians).

Anyway, life is just way too serious, and we all need a getaway. And you should be that getaway.

Sometimes, we just want to talk crap with you. The more stupid the topic, the better. And, I mean, we want to discuss really dumb things – maybe we want to show you a video that’s gone viral for some ridiculous reason.

Or maybe after a long week, we want to put our feet up, turn on ESPN and have a cold beer (or Guinness). And it would be really cool if you were right there, beside us, with a beer in your hand (or if you don’t drink, just chill with us).

Cheers to that.

And maybe you don’t like sports, but it would be nice if you tried to appreciate it. We may find it annoying at first, but ask us questions about basketball – ask us obvious questions like “Who’s playing?” … ask us questions about soccer, ask us obvious questions like “Who scored?”

Just show that you’re willing to learn, and we’ll connect with you like free Wi-Fi. And if you really want to win us over, it would be great if you took an interest in the team we support. And Ladies, if your man is a New York Knicks fan… or Arsenal football club fan… he’s going to need your support. Trust me.

If you’re a hopeless romantic, I’m sure you’d really love it if, once in a while, we were to watch ‘The Notebook’ with you. So, in that same breath, we would appreciate it if, on a few occasions, you pick a movie like ‘American Hustle’.

We want you to relate to us on a different level. So, if we like playing video games, don’t chastise us and make remarks like “we need to grow up”. Instead, play a game or two with us.

Who knows – you might find that an Xbox is not that bad after all. Or, if we are playing online, and clearly frustrated (because we are losing) – laugh at us, make jokes like “Babes, you’re losing to some 12-year- old kid!”

We want a cool chick, that’s the bottom line. We know you gotta be a lady in the streets, but you don’t have to always start a conversation with “Hey boo… what’s up?”… Sometimes you can hit us up with “Yow… sup homie?” There’s nothing sexier than a lady who has a little gangster vibe about her.

So let’s talk about things like our future or securing a mortgage. We want a girl who is serious about life, but don’t forget that if we are going to spend the rest of our life with you, we want a chick that’s cool too. 

This article also appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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To The Girl Who Has A Hard Time Trusting People Because She’s Been Broken

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Let me undo every bad memory. Every single one.

I know it’s difficult for you to trust again, so let me start by being patient. Let’s work on it. You need time to heal.

Let’s start off with the little things – “How was your day?”“What kind of movies do you like?” “What do you like to do for fun?” Let’s keep the conversation light for a while. You’ve been through a lot, and I don’t want you to overthink things.

For now, I just want you to laugh at my corny jokes, and to get to know you a little more each day, by asking simple questions. I’m in no rush. We have all the time in the world. I want you to know that, I want you to feel that, I want you to believe that.

I’m eager to know pointless things like, “What was your first email address?” Was it something cheesy like “prettygirl4ever@hotmail.com” Or “Are you afraid of cockroaches?” Of course, you are. The most pointless things about you are important to me. I want you to be comfortable in ways you’ve never been.

Do you like ketchup on your fries, do you cry in sappy movies, do you sing while taking a shower?

There’s so much to know, and I’m going to know it all. Little by little, we’ll get into more personal stuff, at a pace you can handle. I want to know about your life goals, and I’ll listen to your every word. I want to contribute meaningfully to conversations about your personal development. I want you to know that I’m interested in your future.

You’ve been hurt before, and I have a lot of repairing to do. I’m going to restore you like an antique 1956 Ferrari. When I’m done with you, you’ll trust again.

Let me work my way from the ground up. Let me learn every little thing about you. I’m going to make you slowly, but surely, trust again. I’m going to make it painstakingly slow – no pain, no gain. The slower the process, the better. I want your trust to become a reflex action with me, and that takes time to develop.

You’ve been hurt before, and I need to erase every single bad memory. But I’m not going to patch things… I’m going to start from scratch.

I’m going to overwrite everything he did, by creating new, superior memories. I’m going to know you better than anyone else, I’m going to treat you better than anyone else, and I’m going to make you so comfortable… you’ll confide in me, like you did in your high school diary.

And I’m going to guard your trust.

And I’m going to honor your trust.

And I’m going to respect your trust

This article also appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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An Open Letter To The Single Girl Who’s Focused On Her Career

work

Stay the course.

It’s sexy to see a girl chase her dreams.

I get it – I know you’re approaching thirty (or forty) and worried about getting married, having a family and the whole shebang. And if I’m being totally honest, you have a legitimate reason to be concerned. After all, from a medical standpoint, it’s in your best interest to have a child by thirty-five and yada yada yada.

And to make matters worse, Kim just got engaged, Michelle is having her first child and Toni is posting all kinds of pics on Instagram with her new Bae. Toni of all people, found someone, can you believe that?

It’s not that you’re not happy for your friends, but it’s natural to feel a little down about the whole thing. Where did it all go wrong? ARE YOU WORKING TOO HARD?  Do you come across as intimidating?

Well let’s be absolutely clear about one thing: focusing on your career is not going to negatively affect your chances of finding a suitable companion. If anything, it will boost your chances of meeting someone. Contrary to popular belief, your professional success is a huge turn on. Men are drawn to girls who are making moves in their career. Boys may feel threatened, but look at it this way, you can’t please everyone.

I’ve been in many conversations where men talk about professional women with the utmost respect. They admire your drive, your dedication and your ambition. You’re the type of person they want to settle down with, that’s for sure. Not some chick gallivanting at every party.

When they introduce you to their parents or friends – they want to proudly say that you’ve just completed your CFA, or that you’re an associate at a law firm or that you just opened up a new hair salon or whatever. Remember, men have big egos, and your success complements their self-esteem very well.

BTW … Do you have any idea how a man feels when he sees a pretty girl, dressed in a suit and looking confident? Even if she’s laden with four bags (a laptop bag, a handbag, a random bag and a lunch bag) … he’ll think she is the hottest thing in the solar system. Which begs the question, why do women need to have so many bags?

Anyway, the point is, focusing on your career is a good thing. The problem is when you’re obsessed with your career at the expense of your social life. When you’re all work and no play, that’s the problem right there.

Although having a successful career is a plus, you need a balanced life.  When you’re solely focused on your job, and you give the impression that you don’t have time for anything else, or that you’re not interested in anything else – that’s a turn off.

Men can tell when your life revolves entirely around work; it’s like a sixth sense. And they are not going to readily commit to someone who is only invested in their career.

If you’re serious about meeting someone special, you need to have a balanced life. For starters, it will give you an opportunity to meet new people. But more importantly, your whole demeanour will change. Living a balanced life usually translates into a more relaxed, engaging and fun personality. Whereas serial workaholics tend to be a little more uptight, if you know what I mean.

Ultimately, there’s a big difference between: (1) focusing on your career… and (2) your career being your ONLY focus.  Men are attracted to the former; intimidated by the latter.

So, to the girl who is focused on her career… keep working hard on achieving your goals, you will attract the right guys. But remember to also go out with your girls, get involved with charity work, join a running club. You know – get involved with stuff that you like. Try new things. Live a little.

To the girl who is focused on her career… I know you wanted to settle down by a certain age but don’t stress about it. You’ll meet your guy.

Stay the course.

It’s sexy to see a girl chase her dreams.

This article also appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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When We Get Married, Divorce Is Not An Option

Happy African American Man & Woman Couple

Hell No.

You must be joking.

I gave you my word. I stood nervously in front of our families and our friends and promised to love you “till death do us part”. I meant every word in my vow and intend to honour my commitment.

Marriage is an unpredictable journey. Together, we’re going to experience the best moments in our lives but, sure enough, we’re also going to hit rock bottom. But no matter what comes our way, we’re not going to give up on us.

We’re not even going to entertain the thought of a break-up; we’re not even going to joke like that.

So, if I did something wrong, feel free to give me the silent treatment for like an hour – two hours the most. But just know that by the end of the day, we’re going to sit down like adults and you’re going to tell me what I did wrong. And I’m going to make an effort to improve.

If we have a big argument, I know you’re going to meet up with your girls and give them your side of the story. And that’s fine. You can go right ahead and solicit all the biased advice you need. You can also eat ice cream, stuff your face with chocolate, reach for Nutella … do whatever your heart desires, but when you’re done, we’re going to discuss the issue and come to some kind of compromise.

Look – I don’t care how upset we are with each other, I’m not going to bed upset with you. That’s going to be our rule. Even after the most heated argument, I’m going to kiss you goodnight. That’s how we will fall asleep every night, no exceptions.

If I’ve been neglecting you, I need to know. If we don’t go out enough, I need to know. If I’ve become complacent, I need to know. Babes – please remember that I don’t read minds.

We’re in this thing for the long haul and we’re going to fight through all our problems – giving up is not an option. I promised to stay with you “till death do us part” and meant it.

You’re the girl I want to grow old with. I want you to be right by my side when I choose my first walking stick.  I want to sip coffee with you on a garden porch or whatever it is that old people do. I want to go with you to our granddaughter’s boring concert.

You’re the girl I want spend the rest of my life with and that’s why I went down on one knee, took out the ring, looked into your eyes anxiously, and asked “Will you marry me?” I’m 100% committed to you.

I’ll be there to change your diapers when you’re not able to do so. I’ll be there to do all the little things for you when you probably don’t remember who I am. I’ll be there to hold your hand when you’re lying on the hospital bed, gasping for breath, hanging on for dear life.

That’s the way we are going to end – not through a divorce.

“Till death do us part”

 

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

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Why The ‘Bad Boy’ Is Now The New ‘Prince Charming’

romantic couple in front of santa monica amusement park at sunse

Have you ever noticed that women are always complaining that “they can’t find a nice guy” and when they FINALLY meet one they lose interest in him because “he’s too nice”? LOL.

There’s no easy way to say this– but women don’t want a nice guy. They finish last. Every. Single. Time. Now, don’t get me wrong, women like to be treated well, they enjoy being pampered, they long to be romanced. But they really want this experience from a “bad boy”, not necessarily from some nice guy. And it’s very important to understand this.

If you’re a nice guy who is always willing to do favors (without her reciprocating), always at her beck and call, always willing to go the extra mile, she’ll begin to take you for granted.

And when someone takes you for granted, your value depreciates.

As of June 30, 2016 – no girl wants a guy who’s too nice. Maybe they did in the 1950s, but the whole social dimensions have changed. Nowadays, IF YOU BROUGHT A ROSE FOR A GIRL ON YOUR FIRST DATE, SHE WOULD THINK YOU’RE SOFT (and, funny enough, you may even ruin your chances).

Women are drawn to bad boys – it’s natural for them. They like the idea of thinking they can change a guy. LOL. Yeah, I’m serious, women think they can change a man. They like the challenge – the thrill of knowing that Joe changed his bad ways for her. And, of course, this never really happens, but it keeps them engaged – in fact, it keeps them interested indefinitely.

In the same breath, women like men who are confident.

Not an insecure man, who’s trying to find his way. They like men who are rough around the edges – a man who doesn’t take crap from her or anyone else for that matter.  They respect a man who knows how to calm them down when they’re acting up. Not some guy who will say “sorry dear” even when she’s clearly in the wrong.

Now, it doesn’t matter what women say, that’s the type of guy they really want.  A strong man who can also be understanding, compassionate and romantic. Simply put, you have to be bad and good. So, once it’s clear that you’re a bad boy (so to speak), then you’ve earned the right to be “too nice”. And that’s when your gestures will become even more meaningful to her.

Remember, women love the idea of trying to change a guy – it’s exhilarating for them. When a “bad boy” begins to open up his sensitive side to her, she’ll embrace every moment of it. She’s worked hard to “change” him and he likes her enough to compromise. When the bad boy goes out of his way to make her happy… she’s not going to think “he’s too nice”… she’s going to think it’s the sweetest thing ever.

When the bad boy looks into her eyes, pulls her closer, pauses and kisses her passionately, she’ll melt in his arms. And when he decides to give her a rose, she’ll cherish every single petal on the flower.

In fact, she’ll put it in some water, and try to keep it alive for as long as possible.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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I Promise You Are Most Beautiful Without Any Makeup

Couple

Our first few dates will appear a bit staged. You’ll choose a nice outfit, take time to apply your make-up and get your hair done. You’ll look stunning and I’ll be impressed.

I’ll pick you up at eight and we’ll go somewhere nice and talk about important stuff. I’ll ask all kinds of pertinent questions because I want to make a good impression and you’ll kindly reciprocate. Honestly, I’m going to make an effort to prove that I can have an intelligent conversation.

That’s the way dating works in the initial stages. But, the truth is, I can’t wait to get past it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I care about all the important stuff – your job, your ambitions and your future plans. But in the courting stages, it seems forced. It feels like it’s a big show. In fact, it feels fake.

I’ll patiently look forward to the day when you can truly be yourself around me. When it doesn’t matter if your hair’s messy, if you’re not wearing a bra, or make-up. When you feel comfortable enough to wear my well-worn white t-shirt.

When we get to this level, that’s when the meaningful conversations will happen. I want to start with the little things like, “What’s your favorite song?” and before you respond “I can’t pick one… I have so many favorites”, I want you to tell me the first song that comes to your mind because I have plans for this song. I want to ask you irrelevant questions like, “Did you prefer NSYNC or The Backstreet Boys?”, which has absolutely no bearing on life, but I still want to know.

I want to know you better than anyone has ever known you. I want you to be comfortable enough to share every inconsequential bit of information with me. If you think something is insignificant – it’s important to me. That’s how I want to feel about you.

I can’t wait to get to know you without your make-up on – when you don’t feel the need to impress me with looks. And I’m going to ask you all those important questions that I did in the beginning. Because this time I want genuine, untainted answers.

I can’t wait to get to know you without your make-up on – the real you – no façade. I can’t wait to get to know you without your make-up on – because that’s when you’re most beautiful to me.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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