best friends

It’s been debated ad nauseam, about whether men and women can truly be friends — platonic friends; not friends with benefits. I think they can to some extent but it’s a friendship that has to honour serious boundaries — and who wants to put boundaries on a bestie. If you think your girl’s friend is just a friend … you may be right or you may be very very wrong.

You’ve been with your girl for a while and you know she’s a talker. You know her girlfriends … you know all about their lives … you know that Dana’s guy is a jerk; that Melissa is looking a man; and that Jodi has issues. So when your girl tells you that she’s going out and you innocently ask “With who?”; if she tells you “a friend”, think of it as warning sign #1: THE SEXLESS NAMELESS FRIEND.

At the beginning of your relationship, communication was at its peak —early morning texts, ‘I love you’ calls during the day, late night texts … the works. As time wore on, the excitement waned and she would complain that you didn’t care anymore. Then the complaints lessened and you’re just happy that the nagging stopped… that she was less needy. Think about it … the nagging stopped because now she has her friend to talk to, her friend to share stuff with. Warning sign #2: THE COMPLAINTS STOP.

You notice that she’s been hanging with her friends a lot more, staying longer at the gym or late at the office. When she asks you to go out and you shrug her off because the game is on, she isn’t upset, she casually tells you that it’s OK, she’ll just go with her friend. You glance from the TV long enough to ask, which friend? … she tells you Andrew … You knit your brows and she says, “Don’t worry, he’s just a friendYou wanna comeYou wanna meet him?” Of course you don’t! The game’s more important. And she knows this. Warning sign #3: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.

One night you decide to go out with her and meet the guy; she insists on it. After all, she wants you to meet all her friends. You take one look at him and figure he’s harmless … you’re much better looking, you definitely have more to offer. He’s not worth being jealous over. You don’t even realize at what point, you’ve dropped from being her Number 1 … that you’re not the first person she calls anymore when she has ‘big’ news or just wants to hang out — you’re not her person anymore; her friend is. Warning sign #4: SHE’S TELLING YOU LESS.

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About Christopher Lai

Christopher Lai is an award winning Jamaican relationship blogger and author. His articles have appeared in The Huffington Post and Thought Catalog.
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  1. How this sound so like personal experience so?

  2. jodian says:

    You hit the nail on the head with these warning signs, a lot of people don’t notice them though, sometimes not even the girl notices that she’s drifting until her boyfriend has become entirely non existent In her life

    • chineque grant-holness says:

      These warning signs are so accurate its scary….its the same thing tht is happening between me and my husband…… Even now

  3. John Thomas says:

    a lady told me once that she could make a close friend disappear and i would be non the wiser about his existence. i took that at face value but i have seen it so often its scary. i have seen guys who are major parts of females lives and their certified man does not know he exists so i am convinced that this article is the real deal. then again its not possible to be all to a woman. the caring sensitive guy who goes everywhere with her and does everything with her and still be an individual. sometimes instead of being so dam selfish the lady can enjoy the mans company.

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