Why It’s Okay To Put Him In The Friend Zone

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Everything is fast-paced these days. A guy meets a chick, he gets her number, they exchange a few messages and by the weekend… they go out for drinks. After a few rounds, he flirts intensely with her and she flirts back and things happen.

That’s the way we court nowadays. And it’s frightening.

However, if you’re looking for something serious, you have to take things slow to get to really know his intentions. You don’t want to become another statistic… some girl he mentions by the way, to his friends that he slept with… and the sex was great, or awful or whatever.  And they knuckle punch and laugh and carry on.

So, when you meet a guy, and you have a good feeling about him, he should prove to you that he can be patient.  He can’t meet you on Wednesday, and then automatically think that you must go out with him on the weekend. Hell nah. He needs to show you that he’s not just into you for a quick fix… he needs to prove that he can be more… that he can be a friend. However long that takes.

So, before you go on any dates, put him in the friend zone and see how he copes.  While in the zone, he should be trying to know every little thing about you. What makes you smile, what are your ambitions, what are your insecurities, what’s on your bucket list etc. And, over time, you’ll be able to tell if he’s genuine or if he’s just pretending to be interested… because he has ulterior motives.

Time is the ultimate test.

Now, boys will be boys, and if he’s really into you, it’s natural for him to ask you out… he’s human after all.  And it’s probably natural for you to feel pressured to say “yes”. But if you’re not fully comfortable with him yet, it’s in your best interest to politely decline. And if he doesn’t respect your decision, well he needs to go. Try not to feel sorry for him… and cave in… because you’re afraid he may move on. If he gives up that easily, then he’s not in it for the long haul.

On the contrary, if he accepts your decision and genuinely tries to improve his friendship with you, then maybe, just maybe, he may deserve to take you out. But, remember, long-term relationships require patience, so he still has some way to go.

When you’re convinced that he has shown the qualities that you admire in a friend, then he can graduate from the friend zone and take you out on a date. Although you’re probably head over heels for this guy… this of course does not mean that you automatically open up the flood gates for physical stuff. Trust me, for him to truly appreciate you, he has to work his ass off, even for a kiss.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say a tennis player is preparing for the US open. He trained his ass off in the preseason, to give himself the best chance of winning. Now, imagine, if at the start tournament, the organizer announced that he’s the winner and gave him the trophy without playing a match. Do you think the trophy will mean that much to him? 

Let’s be clear, it’s not about playing hard to get or anything like that. The bottom line is this — all successful marriages are based on strong friendships. Let him prove his worth as a friend/ prove he has what it takes to be a friend, before you give him a chance to connect with you on a whole new level.

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9 Things Every ‘Macho’ Guy Should Do For His Girl

Couple flirting while making breakfast

Society forces us to be macho these days.

So, we’ll wear our pants below our waist, wear our cap backways, listen to Rick Ross, drink beer while watching football. In fact, we are so macho these days, if we’re in the club and someone accidentally spills drink on our shirt, we might just fight them (or at least pretend like we wanna fight them).

Now if you think that’s macho, that’s fine, we’re all guilty of that shit. But when you’re with your woman, sometimes you need to exude a different type of “machoism”… and sometimes it can surface in ways you don’t realize. When you’re man enough to be romantic  … for her, it doesn’t get more macho than that.

1. Cook her nice meal. Or if you suck in the kitchen, at least make an attempt to prepare something special. It’s the thought that counts (unlike a crappy birthday gift). So, without further ado, google a recipe, print it, head to the kitchen and do your thing.

2. Watch a romantic drama with her. Get comfortable in the couch, put your arms around her, pull her close and play “The Fault in Our Stars”. She’ll cry in your arms and you’ll connect on a whole new level.

3. Take her out dancing. And I’m not referring to the club where you grind up on her. I’m talking about going to Salsa. It’s even more romantic, if you’re learning together… she’ll laugh at your mistakes, you’ll hold her close, she’ll look into your eyes, you’ll want to kiss her.

4. Handwrite a poem. It doesn’t matter if you’re good or not. If you write something for the girl you love, it would mean the world to her. And for some reason, if it’s handwritten, it would feel that much more special.

5. Buy her a red rose, just because she’s special to you.

6. At least once in your relationship, take a long romantic walk along the beach and hold her hand every step of the journey. Walk aimlessly till you stumble across the perfect spot, spread out a towel on the sand, take out a bottle of wine, pour two glasses… and watch the sun set.

7. If she owns a dog, especially a cute little doggy. Arrange to go to the park on a Sunday evening and bond with her and her furry friend. If she doesn’t own a dog, but she’s an animal person, ask one of your friends to ‘babysit’ their dog. Don’t question it, just do it.

8. Go out for Karaoke night… choose the sappiest song ever, go on the stage, dedicate the song to her and sing your heart out. And it’s okay to choose a Backstreet Boys or Nsync song because many of us used to listen to them but pretended like we didn’t.

9. If she’s never seen snow (or you’ve never seen snow), plan a trip to Seattle. Play around in the snow like kids, make a snow ball and throw it at her and she’ll do the same. And when the moment is perfect, hold her close till you warm her up, look into her eyes and kiss her while she quivers in your arms.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog. Be sure to LIKE my Facebook page for updates…Thanks!

If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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14 Little Things Every Guy Does When He’s Really Into The Girl He’s Dating

 

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1. Texts her throughout the day. You just met your boo and you have a good feeling, like, a really good feeling. You can’t stop thinking about her. You’ll text her while you’re in class, you’ll text her while you’re in a meeting, you’ll text her while you’re crossing the road. BEEP BEEP!

2. Loses sleep. By the time you get home, take a shower, and browse the internet for a bit, it’s time for bed. So, you’ll head to your room, switch off the lights, jump under the covers and call her. Because when you’re into someone, you don’t get to sleep for 8 hours (unless you skip class or call in sick for work)

3. Taps her ass. When she’s walking by, just for the heck of it.

4. Plays around. You’re going on the road to grab some dinner, and you ask “Babes, would you like anything?” and she responds “No, I just had something to eat.” But when you get back home, and begin to devour your meal she uninvitingly takes a bite. And, then, she looks at you with that sheepish smirk on her face. So, you pretend to be pissed.

5. Texts “I miss you.” And wait for her to respond, “I miss you too.”

6. Texts “I love you.” She’ll respond “I love you too.” And if you’re the really mushy type, you may take it one step further and say “I love you more.” Damn, that sounds sappy.

7. Cuddles her. At 5:00 am, when you’re half asleep, you’ll roll over to her side of the bed, put your arms around her and pull her close. And for her, that’s the best feeling ever. Every girl will agree.

8. Cleans up. He’ll help out, willingly. And even learn to put the toilet seat down. The toilet thing might take up to 10 years, but it’s a good sign when it happens.

9. Slow dances. You’re in the club, dancing to rap music (or as the older folks say “grinding on each other”) because apparently what we do these days is not exactly dancing. Towards the end of the night, when the DJ switches up the music and plays a song like “All of Me,” you’ll turn your girl around, put your arms around her waist, and look into her eyes. And actually dance!

10. Hugs her. You’re watching a movie and you want to get comfortable. So you’ll stretch out your legs (on a foot rest), inch closer, and wrap your arms around her. She’ll then shuffle in your arms and rest her head on your shoulder.

11. Really listens. After making love, she may want to talk a little. She’ll fold her hands and rest them on your chest, using it as a cushion for her chin. And while she asks you all kinds of questions, because women always got stuff on their minds. You’ll stroke her hair and gently rub her arms.

12. Teases her. When she does something silly, he’ll tease her right back. Because it’s kind of cute when she gets worked up over minor stuff.

13. Looks out for her. You’re up late doing work, but you’ve had enough, so you close your laptop and head to your room. And there she is lying across the bed, sprawled out. Clearly, women can’t sleep in a straight line (it’s impossible for them). But more importantly, you don’t want her to get chilly nor be eaten alive by mosquitos, so you cover her with the sheet.

14. Watches her sleep. You finally get into bed, take a second to gaze at her, smile contentedly and then you’re off to sleep.

This article first appeared on Thought Catalog and was also published by The Huffington Post .

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 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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7 Female Body Parts Every Man Needs To Pay More Attention To

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Women are complex beings. If you understand that concept, then you’ll understand women. Every guy would like to believe that a woman has never faked an orgasm with him before—that he’s the best lover she’s ever had—but the truth is, for the most part, we really can’t tell when the ladies are faking it. We just hope they’re not. The thing is, what drives one girl crazy will barely elicit a moan from another. And believe me bro, you’re gonna wanna make her moan.

We men are easy to please by comparison. A couple of strokes here, and there, and we’re done. Not so with the female sex. You gotta find those erogenous zones. And every woman is different. So let me help you out.

  1. Her earlobes

The ears are way underrated in general, and the tiny pieces of flesh we call the lobes are often overlooked altogether. There’s something about nibbling and sucking on that sensitive spot that will make her ache for more.

  1. The nape of her neck

This is the place just below her hairline and above her shoulder. Kiss it when you’re behind her. Chances are, she’ll turn around, press her body into yours, and kiss you back like mad. Before she turns, hold her there a moment longer to make it clear that you know how to heed her needs.

  1. The entire stretch of her spine

Kiss, nibble, scratch, tickle, form circles with your tongue. Use your free hand to stroke elsewhere. If she arches her back, you know you’re on to something. So turn her over already.

  1. Her lips

If you place your hand on her cheek tenderly, close your eyes, and kiss her right—not like a robot on autopilot—you may be rewarded with a soft moan that originates from the base of her throat. Watch then as things inevitably heat up.

  1. The valley between her breasts

From her breasts and all the way down to her navel lies a stretch of fabulous territory. Massage, graze, and lick all you want. As you do so, glide one hand down to her most sensitive, private area. Stroke her there. When her body spasms, she’ll plead for more.

  1. Her inner thighs

Most men tend to neglect this body part, but there’s something about fondling that soft flesh that makes many women go absolutely wild. Taunt her slowly before diving into the pink flesh marking the pinnacle between her legs. If you’re sufficiently attentive, she’ll be moist by the time you get there.

  1. Her butt

Grab it, squeeze it, spank it. Show that you’re going to take control of her body in a way that gets her excited, but also makes her feel comfortable. Give her a thrill and let her anticipate what might come next…

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 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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4 Ways Every Man Should Kiss His Girl

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Every girl — Every. Single. One — wants to be kissed just right. They want that kiss that will blow their minds; that kiss that will make their toes curl. Guys, think of the kiss as a prelude to things to come… if you do it right, then you’ll get to the second base. But if you do it wrong… well, that can just ruin a night, not to mention puncture your ego. You need to understand that different situations call for different kinds of kisses… you need to know this, because, again, failure to, can ruin your chances forever.

1. The Soft, Gentle Kiss

You’re with a girl you really like and you know that she wants to be kissed just as much as you want to kiss her. You’ve been waiting for this moment. You want to take it slow, this girl is special. Take a mental step back and relax, the last thing you want is to appear too eager… too hungry. There are times when being hungry is ideal but if you read the situation wrong, you’re going to end up getting the side of her cheek. On the way to her home after a date, when you pull up in the driveway… before she gets out of the car, slowly lean in, and kiss her ever so softly … no tongue. Don’t be a puppy and slobber all over her face.

2. The Urgent Kiss

Sometimes the soft gentle kiss just won’t cut it. You’re at a get together and all evening you’ve been craving some alone time. When she gets up to replenish her drink, excuse yourself to use the bathroom… or wherever… and head to the kitchen instead. Tap her on her shoulder and as she turns around to face you, take her by the shoulders and shove her against the fridge. Mould your body into hers… Now is the time to kiss her deeply and quickly — leave her gasping for breath. Note, this doesn’t mean shoving your tongue down her throat and choking the life out of her!

3. The Hungry Kiss

You really want this girl and she wants you. Having dinner at the fancy restaurant with her knees brushing against yours all evening, and she touching your arm was enough foreplay. Now she’s at your place and you want her. Pull her towards you, fitting your body into hers and hungrily devour her lips… deepening the kiss as your tongues play.

4. The ‘After’ Kiss

You’ve both just had a wild night and now she’s lying on top of you, satiated. Hold her cheeks between your palms and guide her face down to yours. Tenderly kiss her on the forehead, on the nose… nibble on her lower lip, then tease her. Things may just heat up again.

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 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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6 Things That Creepy Guys Do At Work

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Chances are, at some stage during your work life, you’ll come across the office pervert. He’s the guy that all the women try to avoid. The sleaze. The one who will watch porn on company time. The one with the salacious look who visually mauls you when he sees you in the corridor. The guy who sends shivers down your spine … and not the good kind of shivers either … the make-you-feel-sick kind. He has many aliases but his modus operandi is always the same — he invades your personal space. He makes you uncomfortable.

1. He likes to get physically close:

The new software is a bit difficult to understand; so you ask for help. He comes over. He’s explaining what the different features on the computer are and instead of pulling up a chair, he stands behind you and proceeds to encircle you from behind. You can almost feel his breath on your ear as he leans in. Ugh. You have visions of ‘accidentally’ rolling back your chair … hard … where it hurts … smiling innocently and saying, “Oh no!”, and then offering him your seat.

2. He sends you text messages

It irks you when he sends a message like “We should do lunch sometime”. He knows that you have a boyfriend, or that you’re not interested, but he doesn’t care. He thinks it worth a shot. If he was a stranger, you could easily block his number, but due to circumstances… you’re forced to think of ways to subtly dismiss his intentions.

3. He tries to play in your hair:

You finally scored an appointment with that great hairstylist and your hair is looking fab. You’re mouthing off to the girls at the water cooler telling them how your toes curl to have your stylist in your hair. He passes by and stops. Clearly he overheard what you were saying as he makes an attempt to stroke your hair. You think to yourself that now would be a good time to act startled, spilling the cup of water in your hand, on him. Oops.

4. He tries to cop a feel:

It’s your birthday and hugs are going around. You can see him out of the corner of your eye, furtively awaiting his turn. This is the guy who when he looks at you, creeps you out. Do you really want him to hug you?? Hit snooze on the panic button as you envision yourself waiting until there are about two or three people ahead of him, and looking mortified as you exclaim, “Oh shit! I forgot to …” Then, running out the room, and coming back in a minute or two after, knowing that the hug fest will be over.

5. He attempts to touch your ass:

You just shouted for them to hold the elevator, raced in, and discovered that not only is it jam packed, but he’s standing there … damn it! It’s a tight squeeze in the elevator and he’s going to capitalize on it. You can sense it. This is his golden opportunity… and he knows it. But if as the doors begin to close, you sniffle, then sneeze loudly, chances are people will move away and make room for you to shift. And when they back away, you’ll have gained some extra standing room.

6. He makes inappropriate comments

He makes salacious comments about your work outfit. When he looks suggestively at you, flirts with you, and has the audacity to refer to your breasts… this will make you very uncomfortable. Now, you may not put him in his place because you’re trying to avoid making things awkward. But if he continues to do this… you will snap one day. And, at that point, no one can save him.

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If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

 

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9 Things All Couples Have To Remember Once They Fall In Love

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This piece was first published on Thought Catalog, on July 29, 2015.

1.  Keep falling for each other. Act like you’re at the top of Rick’s Cafe on a cliff in Jamaica, nervously peeping over the edge, and jump off. Fall deeper and harder for each other every day. Live the best free-falling life with the person you love, until it ends—when that chapter closes, or somebody dies.

2.  Make real plans with your partner, not the things society tells you to plan (e.g. your wedding, pregnancy, and home ownership). Screw society’s idea of what your life should look like, and those banks that approve high interest rate mortgages. Instead, plan a day trip or a road trip or decide to buck convention altogether. Focus on what you actually want as a couple, not what you’re supposedto want.

3.  Eat healthy and take care of your bodies so you can live 50 more years with the person you love.

4.  Kiss each other daily. If you kiss each other daily for the next 50 years, that’s 18,250 smooches to look forward to. (Finally, we can apply math to a real life situation!)

5.  Schedule date nights and get drunk and silly together. Quality time leads to meaningful conversations. Ask each other about your days, jobs, passions, etc. Check in with each other. Never assume you already know everything, no matter how much time passes.

6.  Don’t forget to be spontaneous. After dinner, take her out on the town and dance the night away. Stay out too late, until the DJ starts playing Celine Dion (read: until the party is over and it’s time to go home).

7.  Celebrate special occasions. That doesn’t have to mean a fancy dinner or spending excessive amounts of money. It means being thoughtful about commemorating birthdays and anniversaries and honoring traditions. Go to a lookout point in the hills overlooking the city, or play some romantic music and dance in each other’s arms at home.

8.  Stay up late just to talk. Learn each other’s insecurities. Talk about them directly. Make each other feel beautiful and love, in spite of and because of your flaws.

9.  Make love regularly, even when you’re both exhausted. Sex will keep you close. Look into each other’s eyes after and feel each other’s heartbeats. Know each other. Recognize that you need each other—that you take each other’s breath away, quite literally. Still. Even after all those years

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If you need to contact me, email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

 

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