Why It’s Okay To Put Him In The Friend Zone


Everything is fast-paced these days. A guy meets a chick, he gets her number, they exchange a few messages and by the weekend… they go out for drinks. After a few rounds, he flirts intensely with her and she flirts back and things happen.

That’s the way we court nowadays. And it’s frightening.

However, if you’re looking for something serious, you have to take things slow to get to really know his intentions. You don’t want to become another statistic… some girl he mentions by the way, to his friends that he slept with… and the sex was great, or awful or whatever.  And they knuckle punch and laugh and carry on.

So, when you meet a guy, and you have a good feeling about him, he should prove to you that he can be patient.  He can’t meet you on Wednesday, and then automatically think that you must go out with him on the weekend. Hell nah. He needs to show you that he’s not just into you for a quick fix… he needs to prove that he can be more… that he can be a friend. However long that takes.

So, before you go on any dates, put him in the friend zone and see how he copes.  While in the zone, he should be trying to know every little thing about you. What makes you smile, what are your ambitions, what are your insecurities, what’s on your bucket list etc. And, over time, you’ll be able to tell if he’s genuine or if he’s just pretending to be interested… because he has ulterior motives.

Time is the ultimate test.

Now, boys will be boys, and if he’s really into you, it’s natural for him to ask you out… he’s human after all.  And it’s probably natural for you to feel pressured to say “yes”. But if you’re not fully comfortable with him yet, it’s in your best interest to politely decline. And if he doesn’t respect your decision, well he needs to go. Try not to feel sorry for him… and cave in… because you’re afraid he may move on. If he gives up that easily, then he’s not in it for the long haul.

On the contrary, if he accepts your decision and genuinely tries to improve his friendship with you, then maybe, just maybe, he may deserve to take you out. But, remember, long-term relationships require patience, so he still has some way to go.

When you’re convinced that he has shown the qualities that you admire in a friend, then he can graduate from the friend zone and take you out on a date. Although you’re probably head over heels for this guy… this of course does not mean that you automatically open up the flood gates for physical stuff. Trust me, for him to truly appreciate you, he has to work his ass off, even for a kiss.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say a tennis player is preparing for the US open. He trained his ass off in the preseason, to give himself the best chance of winning. Now, imagine, if at the start tournament, the organizer announced that he’s the winner and gave him the trophy without playing a match. Do you think the trophy will mean that much to him? 

Let’s be clear, it’s not about playing hard to get or anything like that. The bottom line is this — all successful marriages are based on strong friendships. Let him prove his worth as a friend/ prove he has what it takes to be a friend, before you give him a chance to connect with you on a whole new level.

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About Christopher Lai

Christopher Lai is an award winning Jamaican relationship blogger and author. His articles have appeared in The Huffington Post and Thought Catalog.
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4 Responses to Why It’s Okay To Put Him In The Friend Zone

  1. Charmaine Brimm says:

    This is an absolutely excellent article. Its great that you took the time, as a man, to share with us ladies, the pertinent and valuable piece of information. Well done.

  2. Tajera Thomas says:

    Dagnabbit! :/ this must be a sign ._.

  3. Proud a you Huffpost to the werl…lol…how did u do it? what was your strategy and give me a few tips and an email!! 

    Harriett MC. Clarke         CEO and FounderBlazing Trails P.R. Marketing and Advertising NetworkJamBlaze Vacae Magazine 85 Hope Kingston 6

    Tel:876-5077792 876-8210270 blazingtrails2@gmail.com http://www.blazingtrailsjm.com/ https://www.facebook.com/BlazingThatTrail https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-WET-Show/432184583614564   https://www.facebook.com/JamBlazemag

    Go to the  web-based app by simply scanning this QR code with your mobile phone’s camera.  

    From: LIVING THE LAI To: harriettclarke@yahoo.com Sent: Wednesday, 25 November 2015, 17:30 Subject: [New post] Why It’s Okay To Put Him In The Friend Zone #yiv2816277937 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv2816277937 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv2816277937 a.yiv2816277937primaryactionlink:link, #yiv2816277937 a.yiv2816277937primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv2816277937 a.yiv2816277937primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv2816277937 a.yiv2816277937primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv2816277937 WordPress.com | Christopher Lai posted: “Everything is fast-paced these days. A guy meets a chick, he gets her number, they exchange a few messages and by the weekend… they go out for drinks. After a few rounds, he flirts intensely with her and she flirts back and things happen.That’s th” | |

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