The Lai Detector

Author: Christopher Lai

7.5 Things That Men Can Do To Keep Chivalry Alive

Let’s be clear about one thing: Chivalry does not require an instruction manual. Yes, old-fashioned ideologies should influence our actions but the reality of countless encounters with women on a daily basis makes it difficult to adhere to all these guidelines. Simply put … there is no right or wrong way to be gallant. So, you’ll be fine if you are RESPECTFUL, PATIENT and THOUGHTFUL.

1. Help a lady with her bag (s)

Women like to be very prepared. The checklist is endless. Makeup kit, a big bunch of keys, flat shoes, a laptop, body lotion etc. Collectively, these items can become very weighty. Once a lady appears to be struggling with a bag (or two); you should offer to assist. It shouldn’t matter if it’s a ‘girly’ colour or not. Only an insecure person would worry about what an onlooker might think. Truth be told… you should be more embarrassed if you allow the lady to struggle with the additional weight.

2. Be a little more considerate when it’s her time of the month

Women have to endure this unpleasant experience every month. Severe cramps and headaches can make a lady feel nauseous (I really want to say DAMN MISERABLE). Nevertheless, as men, we need to be mindful of her discomfort and make an effort to help her feel a little better. If you are inept at reading minds … you can’t go wrong with asking her how you can help. Okay, maybe you do need an instruction manual for this point!

3. Practise Basic Dining Etiquette

It’s really hard for us to understand the difference between the little spoon and the big f**king spoon. Men are befuddled when they see an array of cutlery. But we are certainly capable of practising simple table manners. No elbows on the table, No talking with food in your mouth, No excessive use of cell phones. Again… no excessive use of cell phones.

4. Check up on her
A simple text message like “Hey 🙂 … How you day going?” can change the complexion of the day for your lady. It may be the boost she needed for the stressful day that she is grappling with. And of course, communication should not just be limited to your partner… imagine how a lady in her 80s would feel when she picks up her house phone and hears “HI GRANDMA!”

5. Address her Pet Peeves

Put the toilet seat down, turn off the shower faucet, remember to refill the water bottle, throw your socks in the dirty clothes basket. It’s really not that hard and it makes a big difference. And yes, you need to stop drinking from the orange juice container when she is not looking … Get a glass.

6. Opening Doors

I assume that every man knows that he should open a door for a lady. It’s pretty straightforward when you are slightly ahead of the lady. Open the door and allow her to walk through. No problems there.

However, what happens when she reaches the door first and begins to open it. Well, it’s not ideal, but ensure that your hands are on the door to guide the process. She probably doesn’t mind opening the door for herself, but it would be nice if you helped. Try not to make it awkward by forcing her out the way to open the door.

7. Give up your seat

There are times when no seats are available. Luckily, you were early and got a nice chair. It’s great that you are punctual. Anyway, whether you are at a basketball game, on a bus, at a conference … Once you notice that a lady is standing – get up and offer her your seat. If she insists that she is “fine”, just leave the seat empty. Someone else can have it.

7.5 Be courteous for the right reason

Don’t be nice because you are worried about how you may be perceived by others. Chivalry is not for showmanship. It defeats the purpose if you do things half (0.5) heartedly for a lady.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

February 12, 2014
What A Man Should Do If His Lady Cheated On Him

Men are born with big egos. So it’s natural for us to talk tough and act cool around our peers. I was recently playing FIFA with a guy who said “If my girl ever cheated on me, I am Gone like the Nsync song.” Of course I laughed, it was pretty funny… Actually, I was surprised that he even used a metaphor like that… I thought he only listened to Rick Ross, Mavado, Lil Wayne etc. A few weeks later, he said that he wanted to talk about something. So I sat down with a Guinness in my hand (when I really wanted a Baileys but I was guilty of a facade) while he paced up and down with his hands massaging his face. I witnessed a tough guy break down and cry. You know how f**king awkward that was.

Men like to say that “if she cheated once, then she will do it again”. Okay, this is not entirely true. In life, there are circumstances that may lead to mistakes. Human beings are not perfect. So, before you make a decision that is inextricably linked to your pride, take the time to ensure that you won’t regret your choice. I’m not saying that you should continue your relationship but, if you find out that your girlfriend cheated, here are a few things to consider:

1. Were you faithful in the relationship?

YES – kissing is cheating. You can’t be canoodling in the club and think that you are off the hook. YES – it is also cheating if she doesn’t know about the act. Double standards are unacceptable. Try to honestly evaluate yourself.

2. Did she cheat on you with a friend? or a person that you hate?

If the answer is yes to any of the aforementioned questions, then you probably should pack your bags and move on. The pain would be perpetual even for the ‘toughest’ of guys.

3. Did you unknowingly push her away?

There is no justification for cheating but you can try to understand what may have caused her actions. Men tend to fulfil the expectations of their lady in the courting stages but then become less engaged as time passes. Date nights become less frequent, cooking together becomes a thing of past, cuddling becomes a chore, hugs become extinct, foreplay becomes obsolete. Then a nice young man comes along who does what you are supposed to be doing. And BANG!

4. Was he better than you in bed?

I am just joking… lol… please don’t try to find out this information; you will never know the truth.

5. Was it a one-off thing? Or was it continuous?

Relationships can be complicated. You will make errors, she will make errors. But the one-off blunder is far more manageable than an emotional bond with Mr. Six Pack and Big Biceps.

6. Are you willing to really forgive her?

Absorb all the advice and opinions from friends, blogs, relatives, and ex-girlfriends. But at the end of the day, it’s what you really want. Aside from this one-off blooper, how do you feel when you are with her?

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Like-This-Again-ebook/dp/B0DHV3783Q

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

February 4, 2014
7.5 Things That Men Shouldn’t Do On VALENTINE’S DAY.

Some men take the opportunity to be really stupid on February 14 while others are just oblivious. Either way, it is selfish to act nonchalantly on such a significant day. So, before you create all kinds of idiocies to justify not celebrating Valentine’s Day… consider her feelings. If you can’t be a good boyfriend on Valentine’s Day then you sure as hell won’t be a good husband on Mother’s Day.

1. Don’t break up with her close to the day over some petty issue. Only an asshole would do something like this. That’s not cool.

2. Some women downplay their expectations on the day to avoid disappointment. So, she may say something like “Valentine’s Day is not that big of a deal”… They do it partly because you haven’t really been that great of a boyfriend. It’s kinda like a child not really expecting a birthday gift from a worthless father.

3. Absolutely no last minute shopping. The typical man thinks that turquoise is blue… so choosing a gift on February 13 at 9:30pm is out of the question. Throughout the relationship, you should have been listening to her for clues. Search your memory like Bing… but if it returns zero results then pick up the phone and call her bestie. Let’s not trivialize the significance of a present … it’s imperative that you choose a sweet gift. You have failed if she sends her friend a message like this “I didn’t really like it… but it’s the thought that counts”… F**k the thought, get it right. Try not to be a disappointment like Arsenal Football Club.

4. Don’t buy lingerie. The day is not about you.

5. Getting something similar to last year is a no-no. The pretty drop earrings that you bought last year is basically the same thing as the elegant hoop earrings that you are contemplating to purchase. It’s not about cost, be creative.

6. Yay! You bought only chocolate on V-day. You were so thoughtful that you did something cliché. On your birthday, how would you feel if she only gave you a piece of cake? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good move to buy chocolate … but it would be even better if you spent quality time with her — whether it’s a nice romantic walk in the park or a back rub or preparing a meal together. It takes zero effort to walk into a store and buy a box of chocolate (unless of course, the cashier line is ridiculously long).

7. Don’t be the numpty who says “Why do I need one day out of the year to show that I care about my girlfriend?”… I wouldn’t even waste time trying to explain this. On second thought … if it’s important to her … is it so hard to give of yourself?

7.5 Okay, the prices on the menu are more expensive than you imagined. Include a little tax and service charge and tip and before you know it your bank account is empty. It doesn’t matter… under no circumstance must she pay half (0.5) of the bill. Choose a restaurant that you can afford. This is not the night to go dutch.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

January 27, 2014
A Few Problems That (Some) Single Women Have In Their Late 20s and Early 30s.

The Biological Clock

Mom constantly reminds you about the biological clock. Sometimes the nagging is indirect “What happen to that nice young man that came by the house?”… smh … Then there are times when the badgering is direct “When I was your age, your father and I had your sister”.

The bickering can be unsettling but it’s important to understand that you have time on your hands. Physicians will corroborate this statement but if you are not due for a check-up anytime soon then Google can provide useful sources that will give credence. When all’s said and done, always remember that the best gift you can ever give your child… is a good dad.

Rushing Things with a New Crush.

So you met a decent guy and things are going pretty well. Your best friend is excited to meet him because of the text you sent her last night “OMG … He is soooo hottttttt”. Why jeopardize the progress of the relationship with ultimatums like “I would like to have my first child when I am 30 and my second by 33”. Chances are he is probably not ready to engage in these long term discussions after a few dates.

It may be useful to note that a sensible man would be aware of your desire to tie the knot, purchase a home and start a family. He is secretly hoping for this future as well but he has to be certain that he is making the right decision. Maybe he does have a little more time on his hands but you have to be patient… Such is life.

You also need to be sure that he is the one. Keep in mind that every man is capable of impressing a lady to get some good ole loving… but only a keeper can withstand the test of time.

The Need to Compare Yourself To Your Early 20s

So you are oh so excited to post your picture on Facebook for TBT! (Throw back Thursdays). You can’t help but think how great your body looked in 2008. The confidence you once had is not quite there. When you are at the pool, you take a little longer to remove the sarong. You’ve lost the desire to just be spontaneous, get elegantly dressed and head out for a night on the town. You know what … enough of the fluff… So what if your body doesn’t look the same?

Stop with the self-conscious bullshit!! Why waste time monitoring your scale like a fisherman. It’s a misconception to think that you were better looking a few years ago. Embrace your looks as you transition from being that hot girl into that beautiful lady.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Like-This-Again-ebook/dp/B0DHV3783Q

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, Under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

January 21, 2014
5 Ways To SENSE That You’ve Found The One

It’s okay for a man to be macho (and cool) but he must be compassionate with his lady. A woman deserves to feel special and she should sense when she has found a man worthy of being introduced to her parents. Even if her dad is a bad ass.

See

He is always excited to see you. He makes an effort to spend quality time with you because there is no substitute for communication. If you happen to be in a long distance relationship, it’s natural to fall asleep sometimes while Skype is up and running. Four hours of sleep is not ideal, but he’ll make the sacrifice because he really enjoys talking to you.

Hear

He makes an effort to listen to your concerns because he understands the importance of being able to provide useful feedback. He is never too preoccupied to find out how your day went. You can feel free to let down your hair and express yourself without feeling self-conscious.

Touch

On a special occasion, he takes you out to a restaurant that is exquisite. The ambience is breath-taking and the piped music is beautiful. The conversation is going great but there is still something missing. As he subtly reaches across the table, his fingers begin to flirt with your palm… Finally, a perfect night.

Smell

He recognizes that you love the scent of flowers. At the store, he may not appreciate the smell of the three red roses that he just purchased but when he surprises you… he fully gets it. To see his lady glee with excitement warms his heart. After you momentarily close your eyes while inhaling your flowers… he can’t wait for a hug and kiss.

Taste

He is always willing to assist with the preparation of a home cooked meal. If he is incapable of boiling rice, then he makes up with excellent onion-chopping skills. He also understands that dishes don’t automatically become immersed in soap and water.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

January 16, 2014
How To Cheat On Your Girlfriend
IN a relationship, it is important to manipulate situations to gain an unfair advantage. You have to be skilful to ensure that your girlfriend remains oblivious to the truth. Do not feel guilty because she, too, has secrets that will never be exposed. Remember to cover your tracks carefully; women can uncannily sense dishonest undercurrents. A few effective ways to deceive your girlfriend are to:
- Give her a kiss on the cheek while she is asleep to influence her dreams.
- Practise how to leave the toilet seat down for five minutes every day until it becomes routine.
- For a month, secretly record videos of the both of you (in clothes) and when she turns on the TV to watch her favourite reality show — well, guess who is in this week’s episode? Hopefully, you won’t have to keep up with the Kardashians anymore. Hallelujah!
- Use flashcards to understand why burgundy is not red. This may take up to 52 weeks depending on your IQ level.
A superb boyfriend should cheat his girlfriend out of a dull relationship. The task is unnerving but not insurmountable. Make a concerted effort to avoid complacency; develop imaginative ways to engage her romantically, and continue to reinvent yourself to ignite her passion.

Most men are experts at protecting their ladies from roaches, lizards and bats. Others are generous with financial contributions that provide material comfort. It is easy to purchase a gift on special occasions, enjoy the one-off date night, give her a back rub with the hope of a more intimate evening, etc.

Believe it or not, these gestures wouldn’t exactly nudge DC Comics to create a character in honour of your exploits. Contentment is an egocentric characteristic that will undermine the essence of a relationship. Never be satisfied with the bare minimum. Although superman is renowned for his ability to earn frequent-flyer miles, he is adored because he was able to captivate his lady with the element of surprise.

Embrace the opportunity to think of creative ideas to let your lady feel special. Nostalgia is often the starting point of a magical experience. Let your thoughts meander throughout the days: maybe you are somewhere in the Blue Mountains quivering as her warmth attenuates the mist. A wisp of hair rests on her lips. Together, you pause, and inhale for one last time…

As a man, you need to astound your girlfriend with originality, enthral her with romance, unearth her laughter, hold her passionately. Your lady has a wealth of emotions that will remain untapped if you continue to be monotonous.

She deserves to experience the fairy tale. Dedicate time to let your relationship become surreal. When she least expects it, devise a way to surprise her.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

The text is as appeared in the Jamaica Observer on November 4, 2013

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.
January 11, 2014
Why The Second Kiss Is More Important

If only you could explain how you really felt about the first kiss. It’s like you can recall the intensity of the moment but in trying to describe it, the words just won’t come out right… But what if you could create your own words?

eyoos /eyus/ ▪ n. the force of attraction which compels eye contact

sleoute /sli-oot/ ▪ n. that silent moment between two people that words fail to describe

The first kiss will provide a lady with questions. Are you compassionate? Can you protect her? Could you be the one? Kind gestures may never be forgotten, but it all comes down to this — generosity is not a substitute for affection. You just have one chance to make an impression. Relationships are defined in this moment.

If she is the one, it is natural to be nervous. The heart will begin to overheat as you watch her attempt to inhale stealthily. Her gentle touch may cause your thoughts to become delbmuj (read the letters from right to left). For a second, you are somehow able to concentrate again… but the intensity of the moment becomes overwhelming, so you glimpse to the right. She tries to conceal her anxiety, so she glances to the left. The inevitability of eyoos makes her sigh for one last time before…

For the very first kiss; it is essential to remain composed, never let the moment pass you by, proceed with meaning. A real man should never be too cool to be affectionate with his lady. Showmanship is for idle talk with your friends around the domino table, on the ball field, at the gym etc… No need to be macho 24/7. Take a break from being a tough guy and embrace the opportunity to fulfil her expectations.

At some point, she will want to catch her breath. The very first kiss that you shared was magnificent and she will feel relaxed in your arms. But there is still so much more to experience. Understand that both of you are no longer weighed down by anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurities. A subtle smile will signal her desire for you. As her emotions begin to resurface, she will look deep into your eyes and then she will gaze at your lips. In a breathless sleoute, the second kiss will answer all her questions.

So ask yourself this — how long does it take a lady to become absorbed in the first kiss?

Recall that a second is a measurement of time. For a lady, everything will unfold in the second kiss. That is all the time she needs to make a choice. Just one second.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

Thanks for reading! If you liked the article, please feel free to check out other articles on the blog.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

January 11, 2014
7.5 Ways To Know Your True Friends

Several years ago, my father bought a pair of football (soccer) boots for my birthday. The cleats also reliably served my close friend. Our shoe sizes were 8 and 9, respectively.

1. Sometimes you pay for them; sometimes they pay for you

There are times when your bank account is as empty as Grandma’s email inbox. You’re flummoxed because the next pay cheque is 6 days away. Unfortunately, you had a strong desire to attend a party tonight…. Bad timing 😦

Abracadabra! … Not only are you in attendance but you are the life of the party. Once your friend is present, you will be present.

2. Ya’ll did some dumb sh*t together

The silliest things provide the best memories. Close friends don’t talk about “remember the time we did well on our final exams”… nah… They do things that could provide material for The Hangover 4 (minus the shenanigans of Alan and Leslie Chow) or Bridesmaids 2.

I recently ran into a guy who I hung out with in high school. After not seeing him for years, he had the audacity to tell me how he wished he did more business subjects in high school. Imagine, after all the f*cking things that we went through, that’s what was on his mind.

3. Social events are never-ending, but your wardrobe is limited. Therefore…

Occasionally, you may need to borrow clothes and vice versa. While searching their closet for the perfect item, you may come across a shoe that will complement your outfit. Don’t forget to check out other cool stuff they may have.

If you’ve never borrowed clothes from a friend… it means you’re probably rich, stuck-up or weird.

4. Random, mischievous text messages

“Omg! … I just saw your ex’s new girl… you’re way prettier … you should see what she’s wearing”

“Yow bro… Just saw your ex-girl at the movies with a big tick bredda (muscular dude)”

5. Five hour conversations (and counting) about everything

These discussions can range from advice on relationships to career objectives. As the conversation begins to fade, you quickly bring up another serious topic to avoid silence. Both of you just want to chat and chat and chat.

6. Your parents consider them to be a son/daughter

They’re often present at family functions and receive way more attention than you do. Good thing you have a smartphone to play floppy birds. Seriously though… how did that stupid game become so popular?

7. Arguments are imminent… the apologies are priceless

It’s natural for friends to have occasional disagreements. And it is expected that the guilty friend would apologize in a practical manner such as “Sorry about what happened the other day”… Instead, the apology is more like “Yow…. What’s up?” or “Hey… How are you?”

7.5 If you have food, half (0.5) is theirs

You may be in a position to purchase another meal but if not, break that sandwich in two. Of course, the slice of cheese should be evenly distributed as well.

The bottom line is… if your friend is hungry… you would find a way to even break soup in two for them.

Click here to preview my eBook, THE LAI DETECTOR

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

January 6, 2014
Scientists Discover A Love Letter From MARCH 27, 2085
Happy Birthday! … I can hear my 10 year old great granddaughter’s voice but I am unable to really respond. She is such a sweet girl; I wish I could see her. It makes me sad when I want to tell her a goodnight story, but every time I speak, my words don’t quite come out the way I intended. I keep hearing family members say that I have dementia…. Maybe I do.

At 100 years old, my hands ttrreemmbblleee when I try to type. The wrinkles are more profound, the joints ache a little more than normal. I can still smell the turkey being roasted but that’s all I will enjoy. Having zero teeth is a challenge.

Old people like to remember the good times. Every senior citizen is gifted with the acumen to reminisce about life changing experiences…

When I was a young man, I met a beautiful lady. One night, we were up late talking about our insecurities, our ambitions, our secrets. I laid on my back, my head partially elevated by two pillows. Her thigh pressed against my thighs. The rest of her body aligned perfectly with mine. Her hands were folded and rested against my chest which served as a cushion for her chin. At first, I felt vulnerable talking about really sensitive issues but I became more open as I was rewarded with a kiss for every concern that I confessed. I spoke, she listened. She spoke, I listened.

We both had an early morning, so we shared a goodnight kiss and naturally fell into the cuddle position. I think I was in deep sleep because even though my body adjusted to her shuffle, my eyes were still closed. But then, I must have been awake, because for the first time I was able to share the three most protected words in my vocabulary: I love you.

Back in the day, we had the time of our lives. The spontaneous outings were exciting, the adventurous trips were exhilarating, the romantic dates were breath-taking. I deeply cherish these memories but if I could try to explain why my heart continues to beat then I may just experience Christmas 2085.
1. Even though you held the chicken wrap to my mouth and instructed me to take a tiny bite, you always knew the deal.
2. How you embraced my uncomfortable situation as I prayed hard for a response from an employment opportunity.
3. The unconditional support that you provided for….
I knew it would have been too difficult to describe. I want to continue but I can feel an unfamiliar increase in my heart rate. Is there a way to neutralize the impact? … I only wanted to dwell on the positives, but it’s in my best interest to recall the shortcomings in the relationship. I need to slow down my heart rate… Do I have any regrets?
1. I should have gone to more horror movies that were released in the cinemas. It’s just that when I was a kid, Chucky scared the crap out of me. I am sorry for not telling her the truth.
2. I should have come out of early retirement [football (soccer)], so that she could have at least seen me play one competitive game … if I could make the team.
3. I should have visited Seattle to experience snow for the first time with her. She should have been given the opportunity to throw a snowball in my head for all those corny jokes.
On July, 22, 2075 … I read an interesting feature from a world-renowned scientist who was trying to develop a time-machine. The theory was ground breaking, the equations were accurate but this genius couldn’t include the most important component: nostalgia. To manipulate time, you have to be in the time.

As my vision began to fade, I took out a pencil (a writing instrument that was used for centuries but became obsolete in the 2040s) from my souvenir kit and created a drawing for my lady that remained the last image I ever saw.

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.
December 20, 2013
7.5 Ways To Know That You’re In Love

Language can be limiting in its ability to describe love. Sometimes, the existing vocabulary may fail to accurately capture a particular feeling between a man and a woman. Love searches the imagination and inspires originality. Pay careful attention to the following two words that were created to explain this phenomenon.

eyoos /eyus/ ▪ n. the force of attraction which compels eye contact

sleoute /sli-oot/ ▪ n. that silent moment between two people that words fail to describe

1.   Only a kiss will allow you to sleep comfortably

She complains that she is too close to the edge of the bed; you protest that she has most of the sheet. Somehow you both ‘compromise’ and inch a little closer. You can feel her soft breath against your neck. As she pretends to keep up a semblance of normality, the inevitability of eyoos makes her sigh for one last time… Finally, you can get some rest. Goodnight.

2.   You challenge your bank account on a regular basis

I think the internet bill is due next week or is it tomorrow? When the fuel light comes on… how empty is the gas tank?

You begin to make financial sacrifices to ensure that you are in a position to take your lady out on a romantic date. Maybe you drank water for the entire week, although you craved orange juice. Or you could be in a clothing store that has a 50% sale on your favourite t-shirt brand, but you decide that you would prefer to purchase three red roses instead.

3.   Sometimes for no reason, you just have to say “I love you”

It’s not that the five-hour ceremony that you were forced to attend is boring. You are only yawning because of a lack of sleep. Damn it! … Did the keynote speaker just spend half an hour discussing the 1st slide of his presentation? Naturally, you take the opportunity to send your girlfriend a message saying “I love you”.

On a serious note, you take the time to text her “I love you” while you’re enjoying yourself at an event, when you’re on a break from studying, at the shopping mall, between exercises at the gym. Of course, your eyes remained glued to your cell phone, eagerly awaiting the response: I love you too.

4.   When you’re going through a difficult time, you spend a good portion of the day listening to songs on YouTube

You feel like Michael Bolton is talking to you in “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”. Fifteen minutes later, you realize that you’ve been listening to the same song. I guess if you changed the melody it would have affected your nostalgic moment. Nonetheless, you get a hold of yourself and few clicks later you end up playing “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” by Az Yet.

Don’t worry, by the end of the day, to convince yourself that you’re cool, you will start listening to tracks from dancehall and rap artistes. “And every time I step up in the building, everybody’s hands go up…”

5.   Her beauty never fades

After waiting three hours for her to get ready for dinner, you were beginning to get a tad bit impatient. But when she appears, you realize that you would have waited four hours for a moment like this. For a second, you attempt to compliment her with a big adjective but your words become delbmuj (read from right to left), so you manage to say “you look nice really”…. I mean … “you look really nice”.

It’s difficult for you to concentrate the entire night. The conversation is engaging but you are struggling to control your emotions. Her beauty is magnificent, her charm is riveting. In one breathless sleoute, your temperature begins to rise.

6.   She understands your sense of humour

You are excited to share all your corny jokes with her. Sometimes she will laugh with you, sometimes she will laugh at you… but you will always laugh together. Good friends often have inside jokes, soulmates often have in love jokes.

7.   Conversations are about anything

You can finally talk to someone about your insecurities and receive genuine advice on how to overcome your challenges. It’s not always easy to be open, but she makes you feel comfortable. You find yourself conversing about even the most sensitive issues because she will be there for you.

7.5   Life is incomplete without her

When you understand that you have so much more to give of yourself in the relationship, there is an endless desire to improve because you want to enjoy her heart-warming smile forever. You realize that LIFE (Love Is For Ever) without her would be like the World Cup Finals without a football. You are certain that she is your better half (0.5).

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Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

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December 9, 2013