Author: Christopher Lai

If you’ve read my articles before… you’ll know that I’m big on romance. In relationships, I encourage men to be affectionate with their girls. I also believe that men should be more adventurous… because kissing your girl on the couch is cool. But it’s even cooler if you’re at the beach, holding her hand, walking aimlessly… waiting for the perfect moment.

However, in every successful relationship, there should be balance. And while it’s great to ride off into the sunset with your girl… there are times when you need to be a bad boy… an original rude bwoy.

Here’s an inexplicable truth – nice guys always get hurt.

Have you ever had a really nice teacher who was very soft spoken – one who couldn’t control the class? It didn’t matter if that teacher explained concepts very well… when you’re soft, people take advantage of you. Students will talk in class, sleep in class and skip class.

Similarly, when you’re a nice guy, your girl will take you for granted. At first, she may be pleased with your chivalry; she may be impressed with your thoughtfulness but after a while if that’s all you have to offer… it gets boring. Relationships are dynamic… and women… well, let’s just say that women are complex. Plus, there is so much more to experience… curiosity is a hell of a thing.

A woman wants her man to take control. She doesn’t want someone she can order around “babes – go do this, babes – go do that”. When she’s acting like a bitch, she doesn’t expect you to be pleading with her to behave. She expects you to command her to stop the bullshit.

The reality is… when you’re too nice… she’ll end up doing things that will hurt you. And she’ll do it unconsciously because she knows you will forgive her… without hesitation. After all, you’re very understanding. It’s not that she means to hurt you but we all do silly things when there are no consequences.

Again, women are complex. Sometimes she wants you to listen to her… sometimes she wants you to tell her what to do. Sometimes she wants to spend time with you… sometimes she wants you out of her space. Sometimes she wants you to make love to her… sometimes she wants you to f*ck her.

Have you ever been to the club… and your girl is grinding up on you? Clearly, you’re not going to go home and light candles. At times like this… as you’re entering through the front door, you should be ripping off her clothes. And if for some reason, it’s hard to pull down her skirt, just remove the panties and get to work.

Life is about variety, never let things become monotonous. It’s cool when you send your girl a text “I miss you” and she responds “I miss you too.” It’s also cool when you send your girl a text “I want to f*ck your brains out.”

There’s a time to be a nice guy and there is a time to be a bad boy. Relationships are about finding the perfect balance. Nobody likes sweet chicken… nobody likes sour chicken… but everybody likes sweet and sour chicken.

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Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

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 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Women always say “a good man is hard to find”. And it’s hard to disagree with this notion, because like I’ve said in 4 Ways Men Manipulate Women, personally I know like two or three. But somehow, no matter how difficult the search is, some girls can sniff a good guy out a mile away. These women will spot a guy and their brains begin to work … overtime … big time. He has the right look … the kids will be cute. Okay, maybe he needs a bit of polishing up, no worries … he’ll look good in a suit on the wedding day. They have it all planned out in minutes. And when these women set their eyes on you … it’s like the hunger games, it becomes more competitive than the Quarter Quell. They will do what it takes to snare you … all the while making you believe that you caught them.

1.  The Facade

This woman does her research.  She gets to know the type of girl you like, what turns you on, and she becomes it. You’re into the exercise shit … she becomes your exercise partner. She becomes the perfect girl … all that you could wish for and more. Your friends and family may see through her façade, but in your mind, what do they know. This girl has you wound up. You can’t live without her. You pop the question … she accepts … you place the ring on her hand … two months later … the perfect girl disappears … game over.

2.  The pity card

You’ve been dating for some time, she’s appears to be a nice girl but not the girl you really want. There are some issues about the relationship that concern you and you’re thinking you both should take a break … you need to clear your head. You believe in honesty and talking things through, so you tell her your feelings and walk away thinking that you’re both on the same page.  Next day you hear that she’s not doing so well. Maybe she had way too much to drink, maybe she’s having a nervous breakdown … in some cases … maybe she even tried to hurt herself. As a man, you can’t just ignore her situation when you really care about her. She needs you now more than ever… and she knows you will check up on her, comfort her, and make love to her. And more important, stay with her.

3.  “Forgetting to do something”

She recognises that you’re decent guy. Her body is awesome and the sex is mind blowing. Somewhere along the line she convinces you that you don’t need protection, she’s taken care of that, she’s on the pill. She knows your weak spot and she knows how to work it. She comes one day and tells you that “she’s late” … she’s pregnant … You ask, “How come?” She tearfully explains that she forgot to take the pill. You’re a good guy and feel fully responsible … she knows your belief system … that you’ll want to do ‘the right thing’ … so you pop the question.

4.  No idea

We get manipulated and don’t even know what the f*ck happened.  I can’t even explain something I don’t understand.

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If you have any questions, feel free to email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com. 

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

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Contrary to what many women may think… there are good guys out there. Personally, I know like two or three…. Just kidding. But seriously, there are decent guys out there who are genuine, understanding and thoughtful. You have guys who will do whatever it takes to remain faithful. And according to Newton’s third law of motion… when a sexy girl flirts with you… you are going to want to flirt back. Maybe this explains why I failed physics… but you get the point. So, give the faithful men some credit.

Anyhow, on the other end of the spectrum, there are the douchebags. Now, I hate this word with a passion… personally… I would say “f*ckers*. But I wouldn’t want to offend some of my readers. However, on second thought, I’m not here just to please people… I’m here to speak the truth.

My issue is this… if a man just wants to have fun (sex) then there are many women out there who are looking for the same thing. There is no need for him to manipulate things with a girl who is looking for something serious when he has no intention of settling down. It’s not cool to mess with someone’s feelings.

Those three words

You’ve been out on a few dates. He’s kissed you, nibbled on your neck, fondled your breasts. You’ve enjoyed the foreplay, and really wanted to go all the way but you weren’t ready. You want to make sure he’s right for you. You don’t want to appear to be easy.

Tonight, he invited you out for dinner. You spent hours figuring out which dress to wear because he has that impact on you. He makes you feel beautiful and you don’t want to disappoint.

After dinner, you go back to his place. He passionately kisses you while removing your dress. As things begin to intensify, you allow him to unhook your bra and he takes control of your body. But when he reaches for your undies, you say “wait” and you hold his hand. At this point his horniness is out of control. He pleads with you … and when he realizes that you are getting weak… he whispers “I love you”.

Alcohol

Some guys will happily play the friendship role. Maybe you’re in a relationship, maybe he thinks you’re out of his league. He probably enjoys hanging out with you, but really and truly, he just wants to get laid. So, he’ll communicate with you regularly, develop a friendship and turn to you for advice. He may even ask you to set him up with one of your friends.

He wants you to trust him. Because that will open doors for him… or more specifically… open legs for him. He knows that, eventually, both of you will happen to be out together. And inevitably, you guys will have a few drinks, dance a little, hhhhhave aaaa feew moreeeee driinksss. Do I need to say anymore?

The sad story

When a guy taps into your emotions, it’s hard for you to not fall for him. He let down his guard, opened up and confided in you. As he poured out his heart, you listened intently because you wanted to comfort him. But somewhere in the mix, you get sucked in as he shares his pain. You sympathize with him as he shows that he, too, can be vulnerable.

The next day, it’s natural for you to check up on him. After all, you care about him and he’s going through a difficult time. You begin to talk a little bit more. You realize he’s really funny… or maybe he’s not funny… but he makes you laugh. And when you connect with someone on an emotional level and he knows how to make you laugh… chances are if he makes a move… your body will oblige.

Listen to your concerns

When you and your man are going through a difficult time…of course, as your friend he’s going to be there to listen to your concerns. Most men don’t like to hear women ramble on about their problems but he will discuss your fragmented relationship for hours.

The more emotional you get, the more you want to be comforted. He  then takes you in his arms and strokes your hair. You’re going to make a mistake when you’re this vulnerable.

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Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com. 

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Most girls dream of finding the One. The guy who will, just by a glance, send your stomach aflutter; the guy who makes you nervous when he first says hello; the guy who constantly invades your dreams; the guy who when your good looks fade, when shit happens, when you’re near rock-bottom, will stand by you.

You’re socialized in such a way that in your teens, the dream begins; in your twenties, the search is on; in your thirties, panic sets in; and if you haven’t found the One by the time you hit forty, it’s all over. BULLSHIT. It’s thinking like this that makes you choose unwisely and basically allows you to settle for less than you’re worth.

All your friends are getting hitched.

You’re at the wedding and there’s that moment you dread … the part when the bride tosses the bouquet … And you’re standing there — you, the starry-eyed teenagers and the old lady with the five cats. You secretly vow that the next wedding will be yours. The guy you’re dating is an OK guy, he has an OK job, and he’s probably an OK provider but he doesn’t really do it for you … he doesn’t get your panties wet … he’s just OK. You stay in the relationship hoping that someone better will come along; and then Mr OK pops the question and you figure that this is the best you can do, so you say OK. You settle — a year in the marriage you meet the guy who you should have waited for … The One … then life’s not OK anymore, life’s a bitch.

The biological clock is ticking.

You know that the guy you’re dating is cheating on you but he’s discreet, so you pretend it’s not happening. You believe it’s better to have a cheating guy than have no guy at all.  And, maybe, you’ve even convinced yourself that he will change… right? So, you place yourself at his beck and call … you give him all he wants… because you planned to have your first child by 30.

Then, eventually, you become irritated with your situation… every chance you get, you search his phone, check his Fb account, go through his pockets. Suddenly, overnight, you’ve become that girl … the stalker … the one people talk about and laugh at. You compromise your happiness. You settle — deep down knowing he’s not good for you and you’ll never be the girl he truly wants.

The guy’s hot.

Every girl is after this guy and somehow you snagged him. He’s hot, he’s got a great job, a great house, a great car … he’s got everything. When you go out, you’re the envy of all. Initially, he was attentive, he was loving, he said the right things; but after a few months you realize that he’s mean, controlling and treats you like crap. However, he’s hot and you’re the envy of all, so you put up with it. Nobody has to know. You settle — your life becomes a facade and happiness a fallacy.

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Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com. 

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Let’s say that a man and a woman are friends… They have known each other for a while and nothing has ever happened between them. By nothing, they mean that they’ve never kissed.

The chemistry between them is palpable and they’ve been in situations where he could have made a move but he did not. And she recognizes this and respects him for it. She knows that his intentions are ostensibly pure.

She may or may not find him attractive, but it doesn’t matter. He’s a good guy and she likes talking to him. And even if he’s cute… she’s not interested in him like that… or so she thinks.

On the flip side, he thinks that she is sexy. He’d love to go out for drinks, take her back to his place, inch closer to her on the couch. But she’s made it clear that she’s not looking for a relationship or she’s already in a committed one. He’s a respectful guy and completely understands. He’s been placed in the friend zone but he’s not bitter about being there… in fact… he embraces the opportunity. He continues to message her because she’s a cool chick. And, honestly, when a hot girl messages you… it’s impossible to ignore her… especially when she’s a nice person.

Because of his sincerity, she’s comfortable enough to share her secrets with him. Stuff that she’s not willing to tell her significant other, perhaps because he is not quite as understanding. Or maybe, it’s bad stuff about her boyfriend. And you know what… it doesn’t matter how independent a woman is… when her boyfriend messes up… she needs someone to talk to. More specifically, she needs to talk to a friend, someone she can trust.

Similarly, when his girlfriend is acting up, he will need an outlet. He’ll need someone to be there for him. And you know what’s remarkable… he’s willing to have an emotional conversation… knowing that things won’t get intimate. Over time, he became the Michael Jordan of the friend zone. He’s not going to make a move because he doesn’t want to jeopardize the friendship. It means too much to him.

Typically, women tend to be drawn to guys with good personalities. Yeah, of course, looks play a part. But as she continues to laugh uncontrollably at his corny jokes, as she continues to turn to him for his advice, as she continues to feel secure in his presence… she will begin to let down her guard.

On the other hand, men tend to be drawn to women who look good. He was first attracted to her because she had sex appeal but as he got to know her more and more… she became beautiful. Controlling his feelings will become that much more difficult… and when he is vulnerable… he’s no longer in control.

The truth is, they may never do anything physical in life… they may never cross the line. But a relationship can never be truly platonic, if you have to set up boundaries. A relationship can never be truly platonic, if you have to adjust your feelings. A relationship can never truly be platonic, if you have to pretend that you are happy with the way things really are… when deep down… you want something more.

And for some friends, they may eventually cross the line. Because, ultimately, we are human. With 35.8 seconds left in game 1 of the 1997 NBA finals… Michael Jordan missed a free throw.

Disclaimer: If there is absolutely no physical attraction between a male and female, then, I would say, it is possible that they can truly share a platonic relationship. But once a man is attracted to a woman; or the woman is attracted to the man; or both are attracted to each other… the relationship cannot and will never be platonic.  You can, however, pretend that it is platonic. And for some people, this is good enough.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com. 

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

It’s been debated ad nauseam, about whether men and women can truly be friends — platonic friends; not friends with benefits. I think they can to some extent but it’s a friendship that has to honour serious boundaries — and who wants to put boundaries on a bestie. If you think your girl’s friend is just a friend … you may be right or you may be very very wrong.

You’ve been with your girl for a while and you know she’s a talker. You know her girlfriends … you know all about their lives … you know that Dana’s guy is a jerk; that Melissa is looking a man; and that Jodi has issues. So when your girl tells you that she’s going out and you innocently ask “With who?”; if she tells you “a friend”, think of it as warning sign #1: THE SEXLESS NAMELESS FRIEND.

At the beginning of your relationship, communication was at its peak —early morning texts, ‘I love you’ calls during the day, late night texts … the works. As time wore on, the excitement waned and she would complain that you didn’t care anymore. Then the complaints lessened and you’re just happy that the nagging stopped… that she was less needy. Think about it … the nagging stopped because now she has her friend to talk to, her friend to share stuff with. Warning sign #2: THE COMPLAINTS STOP.

You notice that she’s been hanging with her friends a lot more, staying longer at the gym or late at the office. When she asks you to go out and you shrug her off because the game is on, she isn’t upset, she casually tells you that it’s OK, she’ll just go with her friend. You glance from the TV long enough to ask, which friend? … she tells you Andrew … You knit your brows and she says, “Don’t worry, he’s just a friend. You wanna come? You wanna meet him?” Of course you don’t! The game’s more important. And she knows this. Warning sign #3: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.

One night you decide to go out with her and meet the guy; she insists on it. After all, she wants you to meet all her friends. You take one look at him and figure he’s harmless … you’re much better looking, you definitely have more to offer. He’s not worth being jealous over. You don’t even realize at what point, you’ve dropped from being her Number 1 … that you’re not the first person she calls anymore when she has ‘big’ news or just wants to hang out — you’re not her person anymore; her friend is. Warning sign #4: SHE’S TELLING YOU LESS.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com. 

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it. 

Source: Stush

In July 2013, as an unknown writer, I published a book, The Lai Detector. The book was reviewed in Buzzz Magazine and I was interviewed by WAVE Weekly Magazine and featured in the Jamaica Observer. They all did a remarkable job. On September 17, The Lai Detector reached the top 100 for book sales on Amazon in the category Love, Sex and Marriage alongside Bill Cosby and Jane Austen.

During all the hype, several radio and TV stations asked for interviews. I decided to do a radio interview and after it was over… I immediately cancelled the other interviews. I wasn’t ready for all this. I thought I was being misconstrued and, honestly, my values were being compromised. Overnight, I became known as a womanizer… incorrectly so. [Just want to be clear, this was partially my fault]

Life became a choice between money and my integrity. I said f*ck it… I mean, I love expensive things but not at the expense of my reputation.

A few weeks later, book sales began to decline… I was on the decline.  There were numerous opportunities to do interviews that would boost my sales, but I still wasn’t ready.

In December 2013, I decided to walk away from my book… and I started over.

The first article on my blog, LIVING THE LAI, was posted on December 10, 2013. And can I tell you, the transition from being a top seller to begging people to read my articles was a very challenging one. But this was my decision and I was going to stick with it. No short cuts.

By mid-2014, my readership began to soar … I felt as though I was on the right path. So, I reached out to a few companies for opportunities.  But, understandably, nothing happened.

To my delight, in September 2014, a journalist from the Jamaica Gleaner realized the impact I was having in the region and subsequently, she interviewed me.

You know something… from the very first article, I understood that I was nothing without my readers. Many times, I doubted myself.  Many times, I felt like giving up. Many times, I questioned my decision. And when I had these insecure moments … they inspired me.

In November , a friend asked me “Do you regret missing out on all that money you coulda mek?”… My response was “Dawg – me waaa be stinking rich one day but some tings are more important.” The next day, I was contacted by the Caribbean Blog Awards and given the honour of receiving Best Writing on a Blog. Of all the top writers in the region, a panel of adjudicators singled out my work… and gave me this prestigious award!

My grandmother is 84 years old, and she reads all of my articles online. But, honestly, I don’t think she really understands how I’ve grown as a writer. So, this weekend, I’m super excited to show her my trophy, get a big hug and hear her say “I’m really proud of you Chris.”

And you know what… no amount of money can buy that feeling.

 

When you first met your girl… you took her to dinner, you took her to the movies, you took her to the club. And, she really enjoyed your company because you were thoughtful, engaging and hilarious. Okay, maybe you were a little corny… but you knew exactly how to make her blush. And when you inched closer, put your arms around her… paused… and kissed her for the first time …. she felt desired.

As time goes by, you find that you spend more time at home because you can’t be bothered to waste money at the club… to listen to the same music and to see the same people. But when you wanted to have sex with her for the first time… you were on the dance floor till they started to play Celine Dion.

How ironic it is that when your boys ask you to go out… you’re instantly energized and forget about your budget. The lure of meeting and dancing with new girls is enticing… even if you have to listen to same music and see the same people.

Women like to have fun. After a hard week of work (or exams)… it’s nice to de-stress with a few glasses of wine… or when she’s on vacation, it’s relaxing to take an out-of-town trip.  And sure, she should be independent… but being independent doesn’t mean she should always go out with her girlfriends because you can’t afford to take her… and being independent certainly doesn’t mean she should perpetually foot the bill for the both of you.

To live comfortably, it’s natural for a woman to prefer a man with money because, together, they can afford to live a better life. And this does not mean she’s materialistic. People always say that ‘money can’t buy happiness’ but every single woman I know wants to travel, and to the best of my knowledge… this isn’t free. In fact, perhaps, the most defining moment in a couple’s life is when they’re in front of the pastor saying “I do” … and for the record… the wedding reception isn’t free.

Now don’t get me wrong… it’s nice to stay at home and chill with your girl. It’s even nicer if, in the middle of a TV series, she leans into you, rests her head on your chest and falls asleep in your arms. You simply can’t buy wonderful pleasures like cuddling. And these pleasures are the backbone of a relationship.

But you must understand that there are things she’d like to experience. And let’s also be real, a girl loves an ambitious man. His ability to take control of situations, his drive to be successful, his sense of responsibility… these attributes are a big turn on.

Now, let me be clear… when you’ve just met a good woman, she doesn’t expect you to have money. That’s not why she’s dating you. And of course, she’ll stay by your side during the difficult times. But at some point, you need to fulfil your potential and aspire to improve yourself in your profession. Because if you love her, you would work your ass off to ensure that, together, you get to tick off a few bucket list items… to ensure that, together, you can enjoy weekend outings and… to ensure that, together, you can provide for your children.

If a woman prefers her man to have money… it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s a gold digger… it can simply mean that she wants to experience life with you.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com. 

 Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.