The Lai Detector

Tag: relationship

5 Things That Will Make Your Girl Not Trust You

1. Your “friend”

When you have a female friend that your girl doesn’t particularly care for… it’s very unsettling. You constantly reiterate that the relationship is platonic but she can’t understand why you spend so much time with her, she can’t understand why your friend thinks that it’s okay to text you at 11:00 pm, she can’t understand why you get so defensive.

There’s nothing wrong with having female friends but you shouldn’t cross certain boundaries because it will eventually undermine your relationship.

2. Staring at other women

When you’re out with your girl and you try sneak a look at the pretty lady with size D cups… this is very disrespectful. Your girl may playfully slap you on the shoulder and say “I saw that” but deep down she probably feels slighted.

3. Lack of communication

There are times when you have to work late, there are times when you’re out with your friends, there are times when you’re playing FIFA. Clearly, you can’t always have an ongoing conversation with your lady love but surely you can find the time to check up on her. The truth is… if you were trying to have sex for the first time… you would make the time to touch base with her… even if you’re in an important meeting with your boss.

4. When you’re shady with your phone etc.

You’re not expected to share everything with your girlfriend. Some things, you’d rather keep private and that’s fine. However, it’s unnerving when you’re always eager to protect your phone (or laptop). Your demeanor would suggest that you have something to hide and that’s always going to make her suspicious.

No woman will trust a man who is edgy around his technological devices. You know – it’s actually ironic that if you gave her your password, she would be less inclined to check your stuff. Because when you act trustworthy, she has no reason to behave like inspector gadget. On the contrary, when you behave secretive… she’ll begin to lose faith in you like Arsenal fans.

5. When the romance fades

You used to nibble on her ear, then pause momentarily; all while moving towards the bed. She would put her hands in the air, you would slowly take off her top. Then, you would look deeply into her eyes and begin to kiss her passionately — her body melted against yours.

Nowadays, you can’t be bothered with all that romantic stuff… you just want to satisfy your needs. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re interested in someone else but it will cross her mind. She’ll sense the difference in the bedroom. And even if you’re faithful, no girl wants to be with someone who no longer makes her feel desired.

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Click here to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

October 7, 2014
6 Ways A Woman Will Ruin Her Relationship

If you have stumbled across this blog, you should know that I recently posted an article “6 Ways A Man Will Ruin His Relationship”. I’ve been asked by readers to highlight the problems that are caused by women in relationships. So, here goes…

1. Entertaining another man

When you’re good looking… guys will compliment you. It’s okay to be polite and to engage in small talk. It’s also okay for you to get excited that a hot guy said, “You’re gorgeous”. But when you decide to exchange phone numbers and justify your actions by saying “he’s just a friend” then you’re asking for trouble. As time passes, you begin to develop an emotional bond with this man… you start to delete his inappropriate messages, you lock your phone with passwords, you think about him during the days, you think about him while you’re with your boyfriend.

When you have an argument with your boyfriend… guess who you’re gonna turn to?

2. Having too many drinks

Girls night out! You’re having a great time with your friends… you feel nice (tipsy). A cute guy introduces himself, offers to buy you a drink and you accept. He begins to flirt, you flirt back. A few drinks later, he feels comfortable enough to put his hand on your side while he seduces you.

By the way, this is not a ‘mistake’… you consciously allowed yourself to become vulnerable.

3. Making comparisons

When you constantly compare your relationship to other couples… it will frustrate your man. You don’t need to make remarks like “Why can’t you be as affectionate as Matthew?” This, however, does not mean that you shouldn’t encourage your man to improve in certain areas but there are more effective ways to do so.

4. Lack of trust

When he was courting you, he used to send you cute messages throughout the day. Even though he was at work (or in class)… he found a way to constantly text you. It’s understandable that you would love him to be as responsive as he was in the dating stages… but his messaging rate was not sustainable. This does not mean he’s becoming complacent, this does not mean he’s busy texting other women, this does not mean he’s losing interest.

5. Constantly complaining to your female bestie

You don’t need to give your friend all the negative details about your relationship… especially if you fail to mention the good stuff that he does. If every time you’re upset with your boyfriend, you feel the need to bad chat him with your bestie… she will provide you with an automated response “Ugh … What an asshole! …” (And then she will ramble on). All this negativity cannot be healthy for your relationship.

6. Becoming complacent

Your man values your personality, that’s why he asked you to be his girlfriend. But a man also loves it when his lady is looking stunning in a sexy dress. At the party, he feels good to know that other men are thinking “damn dat girl look good”. When he started dating you… you were energetic, spontaneous and in-shape. These days, you make excuses for going out on a Friday night, you make excuses for going to the gym, you make excuses for everything.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

September 1, 2014
5 Annoying Things Men Need To Stop Doing
1. Try to court a lady who’s in a relationship

You need to respect her relationship. Not every woman is comfortable with you sending messages like “We should do lunch” … especially if you work with her. If you were a stranger, she could just easily block you but due to circumstances… she’s forced to think of ways to subtly dismiss your intentions.

Just in case you didn’t know… when you send your inappropriate messages… there’s a 99.9% chance that she shows her boyfriend. If your reaction to this information is “SO”… then sooner or later… you’ll mess with a guy like Luis Suarez.

2. Saying “Pssst”

Please give her a chance to walk through the mall without being disturbed with remarks like “Pssst” “Babes” “empress” “familay”. Surely, your mother raised you better than that… or your grandmother.

Perhaps one day, policy makers may address this issue. It’s is very irritating for a lady to walk by herself in developing countries. Some of these men are just too thirsty.

3. Interrupt girl’s night

There are times when she may be hoping that a hot guy will come over, introduce himself and ask her to dance. Sometimes, however, she is actually enjoying a girl’s night out and not interested in your charm. If you sense that you’re interrupting her night… try to excuse yourself before her female friend has to come to her rescue by saying “this is my girlfriend”.

4. Make an inappropriate comment (after being rejected)

We’ve all been rejected before… it happens. This does not mean you should take offense and say things like “What a b*tch”, “She only likes rich men”, “She’s not even cute”.
1. Nag your female friend for her friend’s number
Okay… So, your female friend posted a picture of her cute friend. There is nothing wrong with asking for an introduction but don’t be a nagging bastard and expect her to give you her friend’s number… especially if you notice that she’s holding back.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.
July 21, 2014
Why It’s Important For Your Girlfriend To Cry In Your Relationship

It’s important to do fun stuff with your girlfriend. Go out for drinks, watch a movie, random beach trips. Keep doing the things you did when you were courting her and never become complacent. If you really care about your girlfriend, you should constantly improve in your relationship. It’s hard work… sometimes more than you can ever imagine.

Engaging your girlfriend in fun-loving activities is essential to her happiness but there is so much more to experience. She has a wealth of emotions that will need to be nurtured in difficult times. You also need to accept that you, too, can be vulnerable – that you are able to connect in ways that that will allow your insecurities to become the topic of conversation… ways that words can’t describe.

Emotions will foster a deeper connection. There are times when she may be going through a very difficult period. It could be an unexpected illness in the family, unfair treatment at work, difficulty with tuition for next semester, fear of failing a final exam, going through an unexpected pregnancy. She needs to more than just talk… she needs to let it all out. The tears that have been restrained by her efforts to remain strong should take its natural course.

She will feel a little better after getting everything off her chest. As she sniffs, teary-eyed, shuffles in your arms and tightens her grip… a gentle kiss on the forehead will help make her feel safe. You may not have all the answer but you can provide support.

The next day (or weekend), a romantic dinner is always a nice way to cheer her up. Sushi is her favourite meal and the ambience will set the mood for a memorable night. Try to discuss things that she is interested in. Maybe she likes to paint … maybe she’s into fashion. And there’s no harm in remembering some of the wonderful moments that you’ve both shared in the relationship. Taking a walk down memory lane can lead to something magical.

The restaurant manager probably wants you to leave after an hour but surely the night is not over. The beach is usually open 24/7. So why not take a drive there? A romantic walk with a bottle of Moscato (and two wine glasses) while you walk aimlessly to the perfect spot is pretty cool. It’s even cooler if you give her a piggyback ride.

Along the way… talk about stuff that induces laughter. If you’re not that great at giving jokes, I’m sure you have many embarrassing stories that you could share. Stories that would make her laugh till she cries. Sometimes… it’s not what you say… it’s how you say it.

When the laughter begins to subside, hold her closely and keep her warm as she trembles in the wind. Express how much she really means to you and don’t hold back on your emotions. Let down your guard and expose your feelings. If you are genuine, she will be unable to control the tears from forming… and the kiss that follows will be one to remember for the rest of her life.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

April 14, 2014
6 Things That Women Need To Stop Doing In Relationships

Typically, we are the ones who tend to leave the toilet seat up, fail to listen to your concerns and become less affectionate with time. However, this does not absolve you of your role in petty arguments. From time to time, it’s natural to have little disagreements to keep things interesting (great makeup sex!). But let’s not get carried away. Certain things can be avoided.

1. Checking his cell phone

It’s mind boggling how a lady can trust a man with her savings but finds it difficult to grant him exclusive access to his cell phone. What exactly are you hoping to find? I am not saying that you won’t be tempted to take a sneak peek if your partner is taking a shower in the night and the phone vibrates. We are all guilty of that at some point (Except me 🙂 ). Anyhow, try not to audition for the role of Sherlock Holmes in your relationship. Trust is foundation of a meaningful association.

2. “How does this dress look?”

It’s a little unfair to take a few hours to get ready and then ask your boyfriend “Do you think I should wear something else?” Here is the problem: there are two answers YES and NO. If he says yes… he has earned himself a slap. If he says no … then the imminent question will follow “Are you sure?”

Look, if you genuinely want his opinion, observe his reaction. Besides, for him it doesn’t matter how well the designer made the spaghetti straps…he should be too preoccupied with your beauty to notice.

Say what you want about mirrors, but they are fairly accurate (unlike dem damn cameras! … especially when you’re taking a selfie… u zimme).

3. Expect him to read your mind

If he did something that is bothering you … say it to him. For men, it is easier to figure out Fermat’s Last Theorem than to understand what’s going on in your head.

4. Drift apart from your girlfriends

Everybody knows that your boyfriend is the greatest thing since sliced bread. All your updates serve as a constant reminder to everyone who has access to the internet. It’s great that you found a keeper but your relationship will only survive if you have girlfriends. You both need s p a c e from each other. It’s healthy… like a Subway sandwich.

5. The Food Dilemma

Boyfriend: “Babes… I’m going to get something from Wendy’s…. Would you like anything?”

Girlfriend: “No thanks… I’m not hungry”

Fifteen minutes later, he returns with a combo that he is very eager to consume. On the way home, his appetite fell in love with the smell of the burger. Hopefully, the meal is filling because he is starving. As he unwraps the burger, you sheepishly ask for a bite. It doesn’t stop there.

* Please note that we don’t mind sharing but we asked you if you wanted something 🙂

6. Demand an explanation on spot

Men are capable of making mistakes. Leaving the fridge door open, forgetting your anniversary, forgetting the clothes in the dryer. I am joking about the anniversary comment… if he forgets such an important day then you should leave a pillow on the couch for him. Anyway, on a serious note, we can’t always respond immediately to minor infringements when you call. We are not necessarily avoiding the topic but sometimes we may just be in the middle of a conversation with friends, completing an assignment for work or in the middle of an intense work-out session.

Click here to find out the “6 Things That Men Need To Stop Doing In Relationships”

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Like-This-Again-ebook/dp/B0DHV3783Q

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

February 25, 2014
A Few Problems That (Some) Single Women Have In Their Late 20s and Early 30s.

The Biological Clock

Mom constantly reminds you about the biological clock. Sometimes the nagging is indirect “What happen to that nice young man that came by the house?”… smh … Then there are times when the badgering is direct “When I was your age, your father and I had your sister”.

The bickering can be unsettling but it’s important to understand that you have time on your hands. Physicians will corroborate this statement but if you are not due for a check-up anytime soon then Google can provide useful sources that will give credence. When all’s said and done, always remember that the best gift you can ever give your child… is a good dad.

Rushing Things with a New Crush.

So you met a decent guy and things are going pretty well. Your best friend is excited to meet him because of the text you sent her last night “OMG … He is soooo hottttttt”. Why jeopardize the progress of the relationship with ultimatums like “I would like to have my first child when I am 30 and my second by 33”. Chances are he is probably not ready to engage in these long term discussions after a few dates.

It may be useful to note that a sensible man would be aware of your desire to tie the knot, purchase a home and start a family. He is secretly hoping for this future as well but he has to be certain that he is making the right decision. Maybe he does have a little more time on his hands but you have to be patient… Such is life.

You also need to be sure that he is the one. Keep in mind that every man is capable of impressing a lady to get some good ole loving… but only a keeper can withstand the test of time.

The Need to Compare Yourself To Your Early 20s

So you are oh so excited to post your picture on Facebook for TBT! (Throw back Thursdays). You can’t help but think how great your body looked in 2008. The confidence you once had is not quite there. When you are at the pool, you take a little longer to remove the sarong. You’ve lost the desire to just be spontaneous, get elegantly dressed and head out for a night on the town. You know what … enough of the fluff… So what if your body doesn’t look the same?

Stop with the self-conscious bullshit!! Why waste time monitoring your scale like a fisherman. It’s a misconception to think that you were better looking a few years ago. Embrace your looks as you transition from being that hot girl into that beautiful lady.

Click on the image below to check out my eBook, To Feel Like This Again.

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Like-This-Again-ebook/dp/B0DHV3783Q

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my other articles on the blog (to the right, Under Archives).

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message via Facebook or you can email me at chris.paul.lai@gmail.com.

Any picture featured on this site unless otherwise stated, I claim no credit for. The use of images are for aesthetics only and are taken from various websites. If there is a picture that belongs to you and is not credited, please contact me (chris.paul.lai@gmail.com). I will either credit it or remove it.

January 21, 2014