So you’re out and you see your friend’s significant other with someone else … fine, they have their own lives, they’re not conjoined twins … they don’t always have to be together. What you’re witnessing is just two friends hanging out, having a good time … totally platonic. But as the evening wears on, you notice their body language and you begin to feel uncomfortable … he’s standing just a tad bit too close to her, their bodies almost touching … the way her hand rests on him is just too intimate … there’s a sense of familiarity that you wished you hadn’t noticed . At this point you are thinking “What the f*ck?”
Do you ignore what you saw? After all, you have no real proof … it’s not like you caught them in flagrante delicto.
Before you make the decision to tell or not to tell, I think you should ask yourself:
1. Are you sure? Are you really really sure?
What are you going to say when your friend asks the inevitable “How do you know?”
Look – it’s always good to trust your intuition but you don’t want to make a bad call like the referee in the Brazil vs Croatia game.
2. Can you deal with the consequences … the opportunity cost?
Depending on your friend’s temperament, the consequences may vary — your friendship could suffer or worse, you could lose a friend because they chose to be in denial. There’s a ninety per cent chance your friend will call your name and say, “you said that…”
The guilty partner may be able to convince your friend that you were mistaken…where does that leave you? …now you’re just the idiot who’s trying to ruin a relationship
3. Do you think your friend can handle the truth?
I know that Fergie said “Big Girls Don’t Cry” … but it doesn’t apply in this situation. Men are capable of crying as well – look at Christiano Ronaldo… he cries for everything.
On a serious note, some people can’t handle the truth. This is something that you need to be mindful of.
4. Should you mention it now… or wait a little?
Your friend may be preparing for an important presentation, dealing with an unfortunate family situation, studying for final exams. Maybe holding off for a few days (or weeks) would be better. Now is probably just not a good time.
5. What are your motives? Seriously … What are they?
Is it that you thought the relationship was a mistake from the get go and now’s your chance to prove that you were right?
Is it that you hate to see your friend get hurt by someone they have invested in — with their time and possibly their heart?
6. If the roles were reversed … would you want to know?
Mario Winans said that he didn’t want to know… but maybe you would want to know.
7. Are you willing to give every single detail?
Your friend is going to demand that you give a detailed account of what happened. When the news hits, they will want to know “How many people saw?” “Are they better looking? ” etc…
WHAT DO YOU THINK … TELL or NO?
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It really depends on the closeness of the relationship and your friend’s personality…..I would rather wait for the right time AND situation.
I have seen how hurt a person can be when they find out that their significant other (even if there are suspicions) is cheating…. have even seen where someone was an anonymous note…I personally would do it in a subtle way during a private conversation once it comes up.
I would probably inform them anonymously if I am sure, and that is if she/ he is a close enough friend. If she/ he decides to work it out, our friendship may never be the same if I were the one breaking the bad news and in essence “dry snitching” on the cheater. You can easily find yourself on the outside of a friendship when bearing news like like.
Been down this road, I would tell them everything. Their maturity determines if they want to face the music and accept it and if they really trust me and value me I wouldn’t be attacked. Thats how I view this.