4 Ways To Identify A Bandwagonist During the World Cup

2014 Hopman Cup -  Day 6

Bandwagonists will drink beers, criticize players and scream at referees. They’re often the first to jump out of their seats and celebrate a disallowed goal. But more importantly, they know how to have fun. So, don’t be too quick to snub them… instead, embrace them because their mantra is “What are you doing after the game?” … in other words… let’s get wasted!

1.  They’re over 21 years old and support the champions, Spain.

Unless you were born there, it’s a little difficult to accept that Spain is your team. Or are we to assume that prior to 2008, you just weren’t watching any football. I suppose it’s not impossible for you to be an adult and support Spain… but I’m pretty sure that you weren’t in tears when France scored two goals in the last ten minutes to send them crashing out of the 2006 tournament.

Therefore, despite their second consecutive loss, don’t expect these wagonists to be sore losers… Instead, be on the lookout as they search for a new country with a chile climate, perhaps Germany.

When I was a child, everybody in Jamaica supported the Chicago Bulls (except me, I’m a Pacers fan). It didn’t matter what your economic circumstance was… you found a way to own a pair of Jordans. My friend used to walk about 2 miles home (instead of taking the bus) because he was saving money to buy his imitation sneakers. Is it hypocritical that these days he is updating statuses like “Let’s go Heats!”

2.  They support more than one team

This is like having multiple partners… it’s the worst type of infidelity because you can’t even identify who is the main squeeze.

A young lady recently told me that she supports Brazil, Spain and Germany. I thought to myself “that’s almost 10 percent of the teams involved in the tournament”. But here’s the scary part… you know what she’s going to say to me if Germany wins “I told you Germany would win”… and you know what I’m gonna do… I’m gonna print screen our conversation and email it to her 🙂

Incidentally, the percentage is actually 9.375  (to 3 decimal places – no pun intended)

3.  They pronounce names incorrectly

Look – I don’t expect them to be as eloquent as Derek Rae but they can’t consider themselves to be a Dutch fan and mispronounce a household name like Arjen Robben. It’s AR-YEN not AR-GEN.

I don’t think he was named after the country AR-GENtina (I know it’s corny lol)

Anyway, on a serious note, don’t try to correct a bandwagonist… they will get angry like Pepe.

4.  They know less than 5 players on the team

When Brazil played its first game… they only knew Neymar. All their opinions revolved around the marquee player. Okay, maybe, they knew other poster boys like David Luiz and Oscar but they certainly did not know Fred. Although that’s probably a good thing… because Fred is the worst Brazilian footballer to ever start in a World Cup game. Honestly, when Fred was called up to the team, he should have said “Coach… I’m thankful for the selection… but I’m just not good enough”. Anyway, the next time Brazil plays a game… notice how much he resembles the flintstone guy.

Disclaimer: I do realize that Jo is actually worse than Fred but he is not a starter. And frankly, I don’t have time to waste with Jo.

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About Christopher Lai

Christopher Lai is an award winning Jamaican relationship blogger and author. His articles have appeared in The Huffington Post and Thought Catalog.
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13 Responses to 4 Ways To Identify A Bandwagonist During the World Cup

  1. Kelli says:

    Tell em!!

  2. David says:

    It IS actually pronounced AR-JEN….

  3. Angry like Pepe and head but you! Lol

  4. john says:

    Dem not even know 3 players but every team need wagonist still

  5. mario says:

    that rubbish that you if you are over 21 and support spain you are a waggonist

    • S.M. says:

      I agree. # 1 is kinda inflammatory. this young man wasn’t in my life when in 2001 when I was in high school and had pictures of raul and morientes plastered on my wall and my desktop and when being the only spain supporter in 2002 WC and had to sit through the agonizing defeat on Pks to south korea of all ppl…and the picong that followed…
      the other 3 points though are on target.

  6. Marc says:

    The opener alone showed me how much of a nonsense article this is. Of course I was a bulls fan they were on fire then, highly publicised and I was a kid. Fortunately now i am a clippers fan. “Bandwagonists will drink beers, criticize players and scream at referees.” what ? you dont drink beer or have an opinion ? You do know that cultural aspects of people force them to pronounce names incorrectly. Take an Indian and a Nigerian for instance, they will pronounce your name completely different. Europeans and Americans differ alot in the wa they pronounce alot of words and names (hell,the commentators themselves pronounce the names different) .

  7. Royu says:

    Stupid article…

  8. Wayne Watkis says:

    I support two teams (England and Brazil) and have supported those two sides from i was a boy, but i’m not a wagonist… and i’m a spurs fan was one of the only person repping for spurs.. been one since 2004.. was pissed when lakers knocked them out in the playoffs.. but then u know we won the next year vs the pistons,,

  9. Lol but Fred scored a goal in 2006 though. Granted, it was more like he nudged a shot from Robinho into the goal but is not like it would have gone in without him.

  10. Juvi says:

    Mi love this. Especially as a Brazilian fan. I keep tell my colleagues that Fred is a bug Jo a better player fi Fred. Fred has not accomplished any great in football. He ain’t even a household name. Who is Fred. Him move clumsy just like Fred Flinstone.

  11. AJ Tumble says:

    I been a Spain fan from Canizares was in the team, Raul was calling the shots as captain and South Korea knocked us out a the World Cup with the last shot we took rocketing off the cross to heartbreak. I been using Spain in FIFA from 1998 and im over 21..so how now can i be a wagonist?

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